As Star Tribune Twins reporters LaVelle E. Neal III and Joe Christensen head to work in the morning…
Singing together: "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go..."
"So, Joe C., what do you think of the big trade?"
"Oh, I don't know, III. I mean, Delmon Young's great, but I'm afraid without a charismatic veteran player to show him how things are done around here, he might go astray. He threw a bat at an ump! And our big hitters aren't exactly...well….I mean, I really wonder if our clubhouse is up to a guy like that."
"No, Joe, it's going to be all right. Just watch this footage I've collected on my PSYCHIC iPHONE! You'll see what I mean…"
Peering into LaVelle's PSYCHIC iPHONE, we see into the Twins clubhouse….
As the Carpenters' Greatest hits play, Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, and Joe Mauer gather for some quiet introspection, when their new teammate arrives.
"Hey, guys! I'm Delmon Young! I'm so happy to be a Twin!"
"Hey, Delmon!" said Cuddyer, "Nice uniform! We were just having a stoic-off. Do you want to join us?"
Morneau, singing quietly: Ahhhh,ahahaaaaaaa....Close to Youuuuuuuuu.
"Man," said Young, "you guys are dull. Come on, I'll show you how to have a good time!"
Outside the Dome...
Singing: Whistle While You Work...
"Hey, random umpire, come here, into the clubhouse, I want to show you something…"
"Oh, sure Delmon!" said the ump. "Let's go!"
"Okay, guys. Now, stand here, and I want you to throw your bats at him."
"What?" said all three at once.
"Hey!" said the ump.
"Shut up and take it like a man!" said Young.
"I don't know," says Mauer, quietly.
"That seems like a lot of energy," says Morneau, laconically.
"It's not nice to throw things," said Cuddyer, shyly.
"Man. You guys are sooooooo lame! Come on, give it a shot."
"Well….I guess we should make him feel welcome," said Mauer. "That's what my mom would say to do."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Umpire, Sir!" squeaked Mauer, as he threw.
"THAT WAS AWESOME," yelled Mauer, jumping up and down.
"I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE," yelled Morneau, tearing off his shirt.
"AOOOOOOOOOOOW!" howled Cuddy, smearing warpaint all over his body.
"COME ON BOYS, LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!"
Out on the streets...
Back at the clubhouse...
"Phew, thanks Delmon Young! Now, boys, let's go play some baseball!"
And back in LaVelle's car...
"Wow," said Joe C.. "I see what you mean, III. Finally, we've gotten the immature uncontrollable hotheaded player we need!"
"You said it, Joe. You said it."
80 comments:
Holy crap. The Batgirl. Welcome back, even if it is only temporary!
Batgirl's back, and there's gonna be trouble.
Yay, Batgirl!!!! We've missed you SO MUCH!!!
Christ, not Brenda's!
Ah. It's like a little slice of baseball heaven.
OMG, I start reading this and go "who do these people think they are? How DARE they steal from BG!!!" Then I'm thinking "gotta admit, they ARE pretty good at it..." Then I get to the end.
Heh
PS: mmm... howling, warpainted Cuuuuddddyyyy...
It's nice to see Batgirl back in action.
Batgirl's back and Justin's SHIRTLESS!!! Whoo-hooo!
I suspect MMC&Y had a quick tofu snack at Brenda's before torching the place. I also imagine Three and Joe C. emerged from little Ernie and Bert beds to head off to work in the morning.
"Oh, sure Delmon!" said the ump. "Let's go!"
It's nice to see they don't hold a grudge.
Yay! Batgirl. Yay! Legovision. I was wondering what the great Batgirl thought of this trade. :-)
Hope all is well with you and yours.
k-bro
Oh, there's nothing like a litle bit of Batgirl to make the day a good one. Thanks, BG!
HOORAY!!!!
-Will
YEA Batgirl! That was just what I needed to wake up my Friday. I actually made that comment to Will on Wednesday how we needed a player like Delmon Young to wake up our team.
BG! *jumps up and down squeeing uncontrollably*
Maybe, maybe, maybe there might be itty bitty features from time to time? Hope? Adoration?
BTW, although I'm worried about the Delmon Young influence in the clubhouse, to be fair, the bat throwing incident happened a few years back, when the kid was, what, 19? 20 at most? At 19 if I'd had access to an umpire and a bat on hand, I can promise you, it would have been thrown.
In Tampa we refer to that as "Gettin' A Delmon"...or anytime Delmon Young throws something real hard and very accurately. Like last season Justin Morneau was "Gettin' a Delmon" when he tried to stretch a single into a double against the Rays.
ah..... Legovision!! the salve for many a confused and lost soul.
(not to mention, it's nice that things are happening that require retelling!!!)
I'm kind of excited about Delmon. We'll see.
I'm really excited to have Legovision to wake up to on a cold, damp Portland friday!
What a week! The Rays trade, the Santana rumors, and now a Batgirl Legovision appearance? Looks to me like Christmas is in danger of being upstaged this year.
It's CHRISTMAS ALREADY!!!!
Welcome back, Batgirl!
Love your re-enactment, and hey, Joe C. and Trey look almost as good in Legovision as they do in-person. ;-)
Batgirl and Legovision. My week, it is made. Perhaps the Delmon trade will work-- after all, he's already brought Batgirl back for a day.
BATGIRL!
LEGOS!
SHIRTLESSNESS!
These are very, VERY good omens.
Well, now I'm offically excited about this trade. If it can bring both Batgirl AND Legovision back out of retirement, think what Delmon & co. are capable of doing to the opposition! Welcome back, BG - it's been far too long!
Yea, Batgirl! I have nothing to add but my sincere appreciation. And Twinsgeek, thanks for the tip.
I have been so bewildered for months now. "What would Batgirl think," I think. "How sad that I will never know." But now there's hope! Maybe, maybe -- Batgirl will from time to time respond to Twins news and help me see the angle I'm missing. It is a comfort.
Brava!
I don't think I've ever been so happy to have the Carpenters' Greatest Hits stuck in my head. Thank you, BG.
Can you imagine how great it would be if Joe Mauer taught Delmon a little patience at the plate, and if Delmon taught Joe to swing a bit more often? Oh, brilliance. (See, I wasn't able even to envision such hopes and dreams until BG's Lego reenactment pried the scales from my eyes).
I wasn't too sure about the trade at first--then I thought "young bat, almost mvp--might help take some of the sting out of not seeing Torii in Center" (To quote a great man "there is no "I* in "Team" but there are two in "Torii"). But if he can bring back lego vision, and get Michael to smear war paint on before games, this could be a very good thing. Spring training doesn't seem too far away suddently.
Sandee
Christmas came early!
First Sweetcheeks left which was bad enough and then I got hit with the TB trade... I needed some Sass (not stats) to make sense of it all.
My wish came true!
Thanks, BG... legovision definitely helped.
Wow, it felt so good to read that.
I missed the Sass.
BG, it is sooooo nice to hear from you again.
The trade's already paid dividends.
BATGIRL!!! Man were you missed. Hope Dash is well. There will never be a better rant than your macrame/poor depth perception rant. Thank you for being you.
Dear Batgirl,
Do you have ANY idea how much we miss you??
Today...
I consider myself...
The luckiest ballwriter
On the face of the Earth.
That made my day, Batgirl. And III's, too.
Sincerely,
Joe C.
I saw a link saying "Batgirl's back!" and I hoped against hope that it was really you! Hope Dash is well and learning to throw a nasty changeup...
Here I've been in a funk for many, many months, wondering, "What is wrong with me? I seem so aimless... listless... directionless..."
And today it struck me: I've been missing LEADERSHIP!!! I need my Supreme High Commandress back!!! I mean, I kept my BG link in my RSS feed just hoping against hope the BODSHC might return... but then hope faded away. Today I caught a glimpse of what I've been missing.
Hail, BODSHC! We are honored by your presence, albeit for the briefest of moments. We await your return... and your commands.
-The Banty Rooster
*Sigh*
We did lose Sweetcheeks...
...but then Twins went and got themselves an anti-ass-bat AND we have an episode of Legovision from the venerable Batgirl!!!!
It feels like I've just emerged from an outhouse into fresh, crisp, Christmasy air. It was a rough stretch for a while. For at least a few days, all seems so much brighter in the land of Twinsfandom.
It must be that I've just picked up and started reading Shadow Thieves. That's why BG came back--yeah I'm sticking to that!
P.S. Hey, BG, I wanted to mention (never got around to it on your site before commenting was closed off) that you inspired me to turn all my Citibank thank-you points into a donation to March of Dimes. A very worthy cause. I hope you and Dash are doing superb!
What a sight for sore eyes! Welcome back BG!
So will there be a Lego parade for the ex-Yankees coming to MN? :)
That was great. It is the only thing I've seen about the Twins that has made me laugh all week.
**Becca**
Batgirl and Legovision! Yay! Fantastic way to kick off the weekend.
Awesome to see you checking in Batgirl. Sure, all of this bat throwing is good for a laugh now but you just wait until Dash starts little league and gets called out on a dubious called 3rd strike.
Oh, by the way ....
are Joe & III actually driving to work a Hummer???????
Ain't that a little "right wing" for Strib writers?????
Jeez ... now one more thing.
It appears comments are logged in on "Sweetcheeks" time ....
say it ain't so, BG.
So I just check in to my hotel room in Houston and log on to see what's new... and instead I find an old friend and then find myself laughing my ass off!
I was just telling someone in the 'cave the other day... I really miss BG right now. She'd make sense of all of this hot stove activity. Lo and behold, she does exactly that.
BG-
Thanks for the giggles -nice ride JC and III -really I think the boys needed NBP as a guide and they'd be all right.
WW
Big grin from the Tampa Bay area! Our bloggers only offer opinions - no storytelling and no artwork!
Keep in mind that the bat throwing incident was a few years ago, while Delmon was still in the minors. (Now, the argument with his manager to get himself tossed out of that game AND the next one was in game 161 of the 2007 season ... Then manager relented and let him pinch hit in 162 after all.)
Thank you, Batgirl. Our long national nightmare is over. I, too, still have an active RSS feed to your site in the hope of a heroic return during our darkest hour.
Hooray for Batgirl!
YAY!
Hey Batgirl--here's looking at you kid!
Stoic-off...I Love it!
I HEART BATGIRL FOREVER!!!!!!
I miss you :(
Please come back!
What a comeback. I really missed the reenactments.
Thank you Batgirl! This was just what I needed this morning. Welcome back.
It brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
Yea Batgirl! Missed you so much, great post! Was it my pleading in the SPP? Thanks a million!
Yay! Bat-Girl's back!
(and I'm not even a Twins fan, but my husband is, and this will make his day!)
Oh, Batgirl, how I have missed your special brand of sass!! And then to be spoiled by Legovision. I hope all is well with you and yours. :)
Oh how I missed legovision.
Truly, you are greatness.
Hope your future mvp is doing great!
helllllls yeah, batgirl! woot!
Thank you so much, this made my day. I just checked today on a whim; so glad I caught this!!!!
Now, I am ready for the 2008 season, bring it on!!!!!!
BOOYAH!!! Batgirl! THERE IS A GOD!
We need you now more than ever before...hope you and your family are well!
Wow -- too funny. Thanks and keep blogging BG.
Aaaahhhhhh.... Thank you! At last.
Fabulous job as always, BG!
Hope you, Baby Dash and the rest of your family are doing well.
Ahh, all is right with the universe again...the return of Batgirl has revived the meaning of life for me.
Oh, wow. Batgirl, you just made my evening.
(a) It's so great to finally see you back on the blog-o-matic, er, blogosphere
(b) That was hilarious.
I busted out laughing when the sculpture garden caught on fire. Thank you, I hope all is well.
p.s. soon i will have a batterymate for little dash!
Just happened to peek at the old Batgirl site and, whaddya know, this makes my third Christmas miracle of the day! A post by Batgirl AND an installment of Legovision! Could a girl be any happier?
Thank you, thank you! A little Batgirl is a whole lot better than no Batgirl.
Very funny. I've missed the legovision but I've been able to quench my thirst for sass by picking up The Shadow of Thieves.
Thanks for your time and wishing you the best in New Year.
Oh what a joy to spit coffee laugh out loud alone at my computer. There is a baseball god.
Another BG classic.
Thank you and HAPPY NEW YEAR
Miss. You.
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Had to come back and revisit this post on the designated "Delmon Young Day" in the Twins blogosphere today.
LEGOvision never goes out of style!
I do miss you Batgirl. Isn't your little Dash grown up enough yet to give us back his mom? Would have loved to see some commentary with our new Target Stadium. Do wish you all the best though and still thank you for so many laughs in the past.
We need LEGOvision of a soon Manny and Ozzie rant
Very creative! The use of everyday stuffs and toys are very ingenious! Nice story line as well, quite funny, yes! :)
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