tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67461768018163719752024-03-14T21:54:41.627-07:00MN GameDay Writers<a href="http://MNGameDay.Blogspot.com"><img src="http://mngameday.com/MN-GameDay%20120x800.GIF
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MN GameDay WritersJohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13907268840665045299noreply@blogger.comBlogger115125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-87020497518302789962011-04-07T18:43:00.000-07:002011-04-08T12:08:55.443-07:00Catching Up With The Circle Me Bert SuperstarGameDay: When we spoke two years ago, you'd been circled by Bert Blyleven 27 times. What's the count at now?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">Boone Hagarsky: I'm up to 39. You can find all the video at my website, CMBSuperstar.com.</span><br /><br />GD: A lot has been written about the adjustments Twins players made moving from the Metrodome to their new ballpark. Did the move to Target Field require changes to your Circle Me Bert approach?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Oh, absolutely. The Metrodome was a just a pristine Circle Me Bert environment. No wind or rain. No sun, so pretty steady temperatures and lighting. At Target Field, you've got to inject these environmental variables into your preparation and presentation equations.</span><br /><br />GD: Talk about the adjustments to the preparation piece. Last time you described some really interesting preparation methods. Things like using dressing room mirrors and in store surveillance video monitors to experiment with stances, sign presentation angles, and the like. <br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Sure. What you're describing there I call technique training. With the injection of Target Field weather elements, you've got to cross train that technique training with what I call MST -- Materials Stress Testing. If you want to be ready for anything Mother Nature throws your way, you've got to subject yourself and your hand held signage materials to the most extreme weather conditions you can simulate.</span><br /><br />GD: With the winter we just had, I don't imagine you had much trouble simulating cold and snow.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: (laughs) No, that wasn't a problem. But cold and snow aren't something I worry about too much. Heat, and especially humidity, pose much greater challenges.</span><br /><br />GD: You're talking about fatigue?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: You bet. There's is a "wilt factor", both for the man and his Circle Me Bert signs. I’ve found the best place to MST for wilting is at a health club. Unfortunately, lots of places want to claim they have policies against bringing signs into the men’s steam room. Especially when you're fully clothed.</span><br /><br />GD: You get hassled?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Well, usually by the third visit they'll insist I remove my clothes and leave the signs behind. At that point I’ll start MST-ing my accessories. That's when the younger guys -- I'm talking about health club security – they’ll start playing a little rough. The older guys, the guys who know their U.S. history, they tend to be more careful. I see them looking at me like, "That can't be him, can it?"</span><br /><br />GD: You're referring to your astonishing resemblance to Henry Kissinger.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Exactly right. I think there may be an intimidation factor there. (laughs). I clear out before they realize you're probably not going to find Henry Kissinger in a Minneapolis steam room straddling a donkey-headed broomstick while wearing nothing but cowboy boots and a Circle Me Bert sombrero.</span> <br /><br />GD: Pieces of a Don Quixote assemblage?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: One of my favorite Circle Me Burt ensembles. But look, if you're prepared to leave behind your conventional paper signs and your accessories, a men’s steam room can be a really good place to MST your experimental signs. I'm talking about the ones that push and ultimately redefine the boundaries of what constitutes a hand held sign.</span><br /><br />GD: Give me an example.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Well, suppose I paint on my chest a picture of me holding a Circle Me Bert sign. Now, suppose the sign in that picture also shows me holding a Circle Me Bert sign. Whose sign in turn shows me holding a Circle Me Bert sign. And so on. Circle Me Bert signs inside of Circle Me Bert signs inside of Circle Me Bert signs.</span><br /><br />GD: Where does the Circle Me Bert sign end.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Yes. But more interestingly, where do <span style="font-style:italic;">I</span> end and where does the sign begin? In Heideggerran jargon, has my Being left the behind the realm of Dasein and entered the realm of the Ding an Sich? In layman's terms, have I become, in a profound and exciting way, a Circle Me Bert sign myself?</span><br /><br />GD: I never would have thought to go there.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Stay with me. Say I'm wearing this sign at the ballpark and Bert circles me. With the endless regress the picture suggests, have I been circled by Bert just once?</span><br /><br />GD: Or an infinite number of times. <br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Exactly. The phenomenology of the Circle Me Bert experience is just endlessly fascinating. What was once little more than an aside in my book is now a section approaching one hundred pages.</span><br /><br />GD: So the move to the new ballpark has helped you explore existential dimensions of the Circle Me Bert experience. Sounds like Target Field has another fan.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Oh no. Not at all. Listen, getting circled by Bert shouldn’t require that you ride a Valley Fair roller coaster to MST your signs against straight line winds. Getting circled shouldn’t require that you drive all the way to a Wisconsin Dells water park to MST your signs against everything from a sprinkle to a cloudburst. Especially when there are so many mothers who get absolutely hysterical when their small children get tangled up and allegedly “pulled under” by the soggy detritus from disintegrating signs. What I’m saying is that with the introduction of the weather elements, we’re talking about another, higher level of preparation and commitment here. </span><br /><br />GD: Is that necessarily a bad thing?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Absolutely it’s a bad thing. Look, seeing others getting circled, getting circled if you've cultivated those skills -- that's a huge part of the Twins experience. If the move to Target Field is pushing Circle Me Bert into an extreme sport, what does that do to the participation rates? I think every Minnesotan ought to be asking himself or herself, "Is the move outdoors worth it if we diminish the Circle Me Bert phenomenon in the process?”</span><br /><br />GD: And your answer is no.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: I’d like to see the Twins move back into the dome.</span><br /><br />GD: Wait. You must realize how preposterous that sounds.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: It’s not as preposterous as you might think. I’ve started up an organization to push for it. We Like It Here has piqued the interest of some heavy hitters.</span><br /><br />GD: For instance?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: You’ve heard of Mike Veeck.</span><br /><br />GD: Of course. The St. Paul Saints owner.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Lunching with him next week. Then there’s Justin Morneau.</span><br /><br />GD: Justin Morneau?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Not sure how he found out about us, but he approached me. He’s been incredibly supportive.</span><br /><br />GD: Well, I’d wish We Like It Here the best of luck, but given the popularity of Target Field, that would probably cost me my three readers.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: (laughs)</span><br /><br />GD: Listen, you mentioned your book. I’ve no doubt it's going to give us a really comprehensive look at all facets of the Circle Me Bert experience. When can we expect it on the shelves?<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: I still have some work left. They uncovered some primitive hand held sign technologies in a pre-Clovis site in Monte Verde, Chile. Just incredible. That’s forcing me to rework the “origins” section. And then I need to find a publisher. But it’s close.</span><br /><br />GD: We’d love to post some excerpts here.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Yeah, maybe. Let me see what I can do.</span><br /><br />GD: Great. Thanks for the time, Boone.<br /><br /><span style=";color:red;">BH: Thank you. And win Twins!</span>Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-22482825253153541932009-08-06T17:05:00.000-07:002009-08-07T05:44:09.659-07:00Interview with a Circle Me Bert Superstar<meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Cowner%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceType"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="PlaceName"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; 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margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;" >Boone Hagarsky suffers for his sport. Sunny summer days spent inside the Metrodome has colored him the cadaverous off-white of the Metrodome ceiling. His failing eyesight and aggressive tinnitus he blames on the stadium's poor lighting and ear-shattering sound system. With his permanent squint and his head perpetually cocked towards his better ear, Hagarsky is a portrait of the man perplexed by something in the middle distance, or perhaps in another dimension. And yet Hagarsky's four-dome-dog a game habit places him unmistakably among the corporeal. Taken altogether, Hagarsky seems to have achieved in his person the impossible: An immense nullity that suggests both the impressive heft and the near-weightlessness of a giant marshmallow man.
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<br />Despite these handicaps, Hagarsky has been circled by Bert Blyleven more than any other Twins fan. GameDay caught up with this Circle Me Bert superstar in his studio apartment in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Minneapolis</st1:place></st1:city>.</span><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;" >*** </span><span style="font-size:11;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: How many times have you been circled?
<br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Twenty-seven and counting.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" > GD: I think most of them have found their way into a YouTube video montage that’s gone viral. Are you recognized at the Dome?</span>
<br /><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" ></span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: I think so. People stare at me a lot. But I don’t get approached, if that’s what you mean. Actually, I was asked for an autograph once. But the guy thought I was Henry Kissinger.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: The resemblance is astonishing.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: So I’ve been told. But why would Henry Kissinger be at the Dome wearing a Circle Me Bert sunflower sign? It made no sense.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Why did you put the video out there?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" > BH: Well, I know there are a ton of people who would love to be circled by Bert just once. I guess I hope the video inspires people to chase that dream, and that it also acts as a tutorial of sorts for people just getting started.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: But it just boils down to holding a sign over your head, right?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: No, not at all. Listen, there’s a hell of a lot more to getting circled than just holding a sign over your head. I mean, if that’s all there was to it, then what have you accomplished? Why get so excited? "Hey everybody, look at me! I’m on TV! Yay!” Maybe if you’re a little kid you feel that way. But a grown adult? It’s not like Bert’s circling imbeciles out there.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: I’ve pushed a button. </span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" > BH: Well, I don’t think people understand the preparation that goes into getting circled.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" > GD: You mean the sign making piece?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" > BH: See, that’s what I’m talking about. Yeah, the signage is important. But I could give you the best sign in my collection and unless you spend some time with it away from the game you're not going to be circled.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: I’m not following you. Are you talking about practicing?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Definitely. That camera can come at you from any direction. So right there you’ve got 360 degrees to worry about. There’s the angle of tilt on your sign. You’d better have that calibrated to the angle of the camera. And then Bert can pull that pen out at any time, and you want to snap right into your presentation stance. So there’s a muscle memory element there. </span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Do you work this out in front of the mirror?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Sometimes mirrors. Dressing room mirrors work great -- you can analyze your presentation from multiple angles. Even better than that are in-store security video monitors. </span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Don't the stores mind you doing this?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Sometimes. Actually, all of the time. I’ve been banned from just about every Super America between here and the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Iron</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Range</st1:placetype></st1:place>. And then there are the arrests and all that you’ve got to deal with when they take you downtown and throw you in with the perverts. But this is what I’m talking about. If you want to be circled, there’s a price to pay. There’s a price.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Let’s get back to the signs themselves. What makes a good sign?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Well, that’s going to be a big part of my book, so right now I don't want to go into the crafting aspect. But here again, preparation is key. You want to do your research. You can uncover just a treasure trove of ideas and inspiration if you study the history of the hand-held sign.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: There’s a history there?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: (laughs) Believe it or not we Minnesotans didn't invent the hand-held sign.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: How far back does the hand-held sign go? </span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Well, there is some pretty compelling evidence that Jesus Christ used hand-helds.</span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p>
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: That’s unbelievable.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Not really when you look at the crafting aspect if this. Lots of times I’m sitting there and an idea just comes out of nowhere. Ten or twelve or fourteen hours later I’m looking at a finished sign and I know that my rationality played absolutely no role in that exercise.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Does this “divine madness” touch you when you’re presenting the signs?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: I think it does. At least, I can tell when Bert is in the process of circling me. I don’t know where that comes from.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: How can you tell?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: I’m talking physically. My muscles tighten. I flush. I start to tremble. My nostrils flare uncontrollably. I pant like a dog. And then there’s a prominent, and frankly, quite embarrassing reaction that I don’t want to get into here.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: That sounds pretty uncomfortable.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Well, I think of it more like a heightening. It’s like when you go into combat.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: You’ve seen combat?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: I did a Civil War re-enactment once. <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Gettysburg</st1:place></st1:city>. Battle of. </span><span style=";font-size:11;color:red;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Last question: have you ever met Bert?</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" > </span><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:red;" >BH: Nope. Don’t want to either. I don’t want favoritism to play any part in this. I want to be circled for my excellence.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:11;color:black;" >GD: Thanks for your time.</span><span style=";font-size:11;color:black;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style=";font-family:Arial;color:black;" ></span><span style="color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-58003971519935871282008-07-01T14:35:00.000-07:002008-07-01T14:58:43.316-07:00Summer Baseball Heats Up in the NWL!It's almost mid-season for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Northwoods</span> League and the races are really getting interesting now. Unlike most baseball leagues that you may be familiar with, the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">NWL</span> has division winners for the first half as well as the second half of the season. Those first half winners are granted a bid in the playoffs at the end of the season. So, with just a shade under two weeks left before the All-Star break, it's starting to feel like end-of-season baseball. <br /><br /> In the North Division, the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Manakto</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Moondogs</span> have been in the lead pretty much since the season began. The still lead with a 19-12 record, but they have company at the top. The Rochester Honkers are right behind them at 18-12. The St. Cloud <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Riverbats</span> are within striking distance with a 16-14 record, but they've won 7 straight, so they could make things interesting.<br /><br /> The South Division has been a tighter race all along and suddenly, it's a traffic jam at the top. The Wisconsin Woodchucks (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Wausau</span>) have been up at the top most of the season and now find themselves tied with the red-hot Madison Mallards for the division lead at 20-10. A strong La <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Crosse</span> Loggers squad is right on their tails at 19-11.<br /><br /> If I were to pick an early, first-half MVP for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">NWL</span> my ballot would go for Eric Stephens of the Rochester Honkers. The junior infielder from Cal-State Fullerton is hitting at a .377 (tied for 1st) clip with 5 home runs (also a tie for 1st), 31 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">rbi</span> (2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">nd</span>), 11 stolen bases (tied for 3rd), 11 doubles (tied for 1st) and a .642 slugging percentage (1st). He's not just a stat stud, he's a big reason that the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Mankato</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Moondogs</span> are looking at Rochester in their rear view mirror as the Honkers are charging up. Honorable Mention: Derek Melton, 1B, La <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Crosse</span> Loggers.The Northwoods Wandererhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573233904175419411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-86402697361506021052008-06-18T09:34:00.000-07:002008-06-18T10:08:51.729-07:00I Blinked...What Happened in the Northwoods League?Okay, I got off to a slow start this year. I've been so busy hitting the party deck at the Lumberyard (Copeland Park in La Crosse) that I plum forgot to sit down and get my blog going. Now, as we finish up about three weeks of play, it's time to update everyone on how things are going for our college guys trying to make a splash. (Ooh...speaking of a splash...Waterloo's stadium is has a better chance of seeing a bass tournament than a Bucks game anytime soon. It's completely underwater.)<br /><br />At this point there are two teams in the NWL that just seem to be way ahead of the pack. In the North Division, the Mankato Moondogs are dominating with a 14-4 record. Behind them is Rochester with a respectable 11-6 tally and then the rest of the pack just sort of follows along. In the South Division it's Jim Gantner's Wisconsin Woodchucks leading the way at a dominant 15-3 clip. Madison and La Crosse are tied behind the Chucks with 12-6 records each. <br /><br />Since the College World Series and the Team USA tryouts are still going on, a lot of teams are still waiting on some of their top signees to arrive, so things can turn around in a hurry. I know I was stoked to see Brian Morgado (104 strikeouts in 80.1 innings pitched at Tennessee this spring), but he's still trying to land a spot on Team USA. Bummer. (Well, not for him!)<br /><br />So who are the players that are whoopin' up so far? Here's the short list of early NWL studs.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Derek McCallum</span> - St. Cloud River Bats - .439 avg, 17 runs, 15 RBI (That's a solid contributor.)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Carlos Ramirez</span> - Mankato Moondogs - .422 avg, 17 RBI, .641 slugging (a doubles machine!)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Eric Stephens</span> - Rochester Honkers - .350, 3 hrs, 20 RBI. (This guy puts runs on the board.)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Phil Haig </span>- Rochester Honkers - 2-0, .038 ERA in 24 innings pitched. (There are some 3-win pitchers...but .038 in that many innings? That's a stud.)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Aaron Varnum</span> - Wisc. Woodchucks - 6 saves, 10 K's in 10 innings. (6 saves in 15 wins? Nice.)<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Chris Sale</span> - La Crosse Loggers - 2-1 with 31 K's in 25 innings. (Tall, lefty...keep and eye on this guy.)<br /><br /><br />I started out my season by hitting Madison, La Crosse, and Rochester on opening weekend and then put back-to-back-to-back games together in La Crosse this past weekend. Not a bad way to start my summer. Keep checkin' in and I'll keep giving you updates and some insights into the coolest baseball league around.The Northwoods Wandererhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573233904175419411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-43453822168546346852008-05-29T11:26:00.000-07:002008-05-29T12:51:43.751-07:00Northwoods Baseball is Here at Last!Finally, the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Northwoods</span> Baseball season is upon us! I feel like a nervous college kid knocking on a stranger's door. I've heard about her. I've listened to others give their opinions. But a blind date is still a blind date. You just don't know what you'll find when you open that door, no matter how much you try to figure it out before hand.<br /><br /> By the time the Major League season rolls around in April, we all have a pretty good idea who are the "haves" and who are the "have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">nots</span>." Sure, there are some surprises here and there (can you say "Rays?") but over all, we know who will be contenders in the end.<br /><br /> The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Northwoods</span> League is nothing like that. No matter what kind of numbers these kids put up during their college season, you just don't know what they'll do with with (or against) wood bats. Plus, you get to add the drama of players showing up days, even weeks, late for the season because their college program made it into the College World Series. Every team can legitimately believe that they have what it takes to win it all.<br /><br /> I love the league. Make no mistake. But at heart, I really am La <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Crosse</span> Loggers fan, so now I need to go, put on my best outfit, grab my corsage (beer) and open that door to see what blind date looks like this season. <br /><br /> Please don't be ugly. Please don't be ugly. Please don't be ugly!The Northwoods Wandererhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573233904175419411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-83956735854773123672008-04-13T12:35:00.000-07:002008-04-13T12:38:10.217-07:00The important thingsSo, I'll call Liriano's return a tentative success, but we learned something even more important from Sunday's game: Bert Blyleven is a swinger.<br /><br />(I hope someone put's that comment up on YouTube. Anyone with a TiVo?)John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-88216377139168546002008-03-19T19:53:00.000-07:002008-03-20T10:36:04.872-07:00Inside the Mind of a Batting Practice Ball Hawk<div align="left">Barry Bonds’ 762nd – and possibly last – home run generated <a href="http://snaggingbaseballs.mlblogs.com/the_baseball_collector/2008/03/barry_bonds_fin.html">a mad scramble for the baseball</a>. In the middle of that scrum was Jake Frazier. Frazier, a notorious Bay Area ball hawk who claims he missed out on the Bonds ball because he was “stoned to the bone”, had this to say about his technique:</div><div align="left"><br /><em>If I hip-checked that guy, he wouldn't ****' be standin' up...it's a baseball, man, it's a prize. You have to be aggressive. If you're not aggressive, you won't get it. You're out there playin' in a metal and concrete jungle, and there's people competing, so yeah, you know, you get little scrapes and bruises."<br /></em><br />I sat down with Jake Frazier and got inside the mind of a batting practice ball hawk.<br /><br />***<br /><br />My first moment with one of Major League Baseball’s most notorious ball hawks took my breath away. No sooner had I introduced myself than Jake Frazier slipped inside my handshake and delivered a short, powerful uppercut to my stomach.<br /><br />“Sorry about that, dude,” Frazier said, helping me to my feet. “Had to establish dominance.”<br /><br />Meet Jake Frazier, a twenty-six year old San Francisco Giants fan who works in the medical marijuana business when he is not gobbling up batting practice balls at AT&T Park. His remarkable ball hawking success – Frazier has captured thousands of baseballs over the years – is as unusual as his fierce enthusiasm for a pastime most men leave behind in their pubescence. Frazier has denied so many a chance at a baseball over the years that his name has become an anathema to the dispossessed. They will tell you that when Frazier’s beaten you to a baseball, and possibly beaten you with a baseball, you’ve not just lost the scramble for a souvenir.<br /><br />You’ve been Jaked.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Frazier first spotted his opportunity a few years ago when he arrived at the ballpark early. Kids hustling for batting practice home runs caught his eye.<br /><br />“Anytime I see a crowd of little dudes going after something, I’m like, ‘I’m a big dude. I can have that.’”<br /><br />Frazier grew even more excited when he recognized that the youngsters’ poor hand-eye coordination made for some exceptionally weak competition.<br /><br />“I mean there were balls bouncing off their gloves, balls bouncing of their heads. Boink! Little dudes were clueless. I knew I could do better.”<br /><br />It was only after wading into the youngsters that the 6-4, 240 pound Frazier realized he had his work cut out for him. His lack of a ground game often meant his aggressive checking worked against him.<br /><br />“Yeah, someone hits a baseball my way and – boom! – little dudes flying left and right. Looks like a keg of dynamite going off in a Popsicle stick factory. But then the ball lands, and if I’m not right on top of the spot the ball’s rolling around on the ground. Little dudes are down there already. They move fast. Advantage: little dudes.”<br /><br />Frazier realized that if we wanted to dominate the ball-hawking game, he needed a technique that would put the ball in his glove in the end, even if it didn’t start there to begin with. A television program about the interrogation of suspected terrorists led to an epiphany.<br /><br />“I'm watching this show and suddenly I’m like, <em>dude!</em> So next time I’m at the game and a little dude beats me to the ball, I pin his ankles together with one hand, lift him off the ground, and waterboard him with my cup of Pepsi. Little dude drops the ball real quick. But I’m out a Pepsi. Not cool, man. Money doesn’t grow on trees in the medical marijuana business. “<br /><br />Eventually, Frazier abandoned the technique for one he had mastered long ago while prowling the halls of his junior high school. It was while discussing this move with me that Frazier decided a demonstration was in order.<br /><br />It was a demonstration I would regret.<br /><br />“Let me show you what I do,” Frazier said. Displaying a quickness that belied his tremendous bulk, Frazier snaked around behind me and reached inside my belt. Suddenly I was jerked off my feet.<br /><br />“Little dude picks up ball. I pick up little dude by the undies. If he doesn’t drop the ball right away, I’ll bounce him. Like this.”<br /><br />Frazier began working me like a yo-yo.<br /><br />“At some point, he drops the ball.”<br /><br />I did not doubt that. The pain was excruciating.<br /><br />“Before I let little dude go I’ll turn him around, get up in his grill, and say, ‘Congratulations, little dude. You’ve been Jaked.’”<br /><br />***<br /><br />I asked Frazier if he thought he might be taking his pursuit of batting practice baseballs too seriously. What was another baseball, when he had thousands already? Wouldn’t a baseball mean more to a youngster who didn’t have a single one?<br /><br />Frazier insisted I was missing the point. For him, the bleachers represent a metal and concrete jungle. Frazier sits on top of the food chain.<br /><br />“Dude, when a lion sees a monkey walking down a path in the jungle, does he tap the monkey on the shoulder and say, ‘Pardon me little monkey dude, do you mind if I eat you?’ No way dude. Monkey gets eaten, no questions asked. Circle of life, man.”<br /><br />Frazier did admit that having dominated the ball-hawking game for so long, he was looking for another challenge. He thinks he might have found one in autographs.<br /><br />“I see these little dudes lined up for autographs. What if I get in that game? Man, those little dudes stand no chance." </div>Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-59081563435477121732008-02-12T19:01:00.000-08:002008-02-13T07:55:00.525-08:00The Sage Of Minneapolis: An Ode To Dan BarreiroA few days ago Twins Geek made an interesting post about <a href="http://twinsgeek.blogspot.com/2008/02/windows.html">paradigms</a>. To summarize, paradigms are the lenses through which we view the world. Through our paradigms, some aspects of our environment are drawn into sharper focus while others are obscured. The larger point is that the reality behind the paradigm does not change: a paradigm-free perspective would perceive an unfiltered reality, whereas a paradigm-generated perspective shades things.<br /><br />So far so good. But now we toe contested ground. Some would have it that there is no such thing as a paradigm-free perspective. For instance, those who allege a "liberal bias" in the mainstream media claim that media members’ liberal paradigms inform everything they report, including what issues they choose to cover. Stepping outside of those paradigms and reporting objectively is not possible, the claim contends. Others believe that we can step outside of our paradigms long enough to view and process reality objectively.<br /><br />As an old philosophy major I'm aware that the above was a gloss on a controversy loaded with complexity. Nevertheless, I think the positions at stake are clear enough. I also believe that the paradigm-centric assumption has a profoundly negative effect on our discourse. Not only does the position discourage people from attempting to stake out objective perspectives on issues; its prevailing status as conventional wisdom discourages us from criticizing those who broadcast ostensibly "objective", but evidently agenda-driven, points of view. Why challenge the intellectually dishonest if all argumentation is paradigm driven and thus biased in some way?<br /><br />I do believe that we have the ability to mostly shed our paradigms and consider the world from a mostly objective point of view. I don't believe that to do so is easy. A paradigm simplifies the world by setting reality into a pre-configured mold. In addition, paradigms allow for a community of paradigm-sharers to find solace in the company of others who have predictably similar perspective on things. To step outside of one's paradigms is to step away from the security of those paradigms and to face a world full of frustrating nuance and complexity.<br /><br />But with what values, one might ask. Shed the paradigms and don’t you shed the value systems that are the product of them?<br /><br />Not entirely. Leave behind the paradigms and one is left with a commitment to taking the world as it is without “spinning” it so that it will fit into a paradigm. The paradigm-free make a virtue of intellectual honesty.<br /><br />For reasons I won’t get into so as not to make a long post longer, I do think the world would be a better place if we were quick to brand the intellectually dishonest with a Scarlet D. And I think more would be inclined to think critically and with a healthy independence if we celebrated the intellectual honesty of those who attempt to process the world paradigm-free. Which brings me to former Star Tribune sports columnist and current KFAN radio personality Dan Barreiro.<br /><br />As a columnist, Barreiro's contrarian spirit and his willingness to savage the eminently savagable raised faint echoes of H.L. Mencken. That echo has grown even louder as his radio personality has evolved over the years. Barreiro doesn't suffer fools lightly, and his willingness to take a hatchet to purveyors of ignorance, intolerance, and fraudulence rivals Mencken’s own motivations in tone and tenor if not in the quality of the resulting criticism. When I listen to Barreiro, I am greeted with the same thought that visits me when I read Mencken: here is someone who both values and practices intellectual honesty, who desires nothing more (and nothing less) than to view the world objectively.<br /><br />I believe his body of work supports this interpretation. As exhibit A I’d point to the befuddlement with which a certain segment of his listenership greets his program. The frequency with which his callers and e-mailers accuse him of being, alternately, liberal and conservative, is both laughable and distressing. Laughable because the accusations see-saw as conclusions arrived at without the assistance of a paradigm driven-agenda take on an alternatively liberal or conservative hue. Distressing because the comments demonstrate that some accustomed to paradigm-driven, intellectually dishonest talk radio don't know what to make of someone who is intellectually honest. These listeners seem troubled that you cannot approach Barreiro’s show with the same confidence you can approach so many shows up and down the AM dial. In fact it is not possible to predict how Barreiro will respond to any given subject by holding that subject up against an agenda. After fifteen years listening I still don't know exactly where his politics lay. I offer that as a form of tribute.<br /><br />Before you suggest he and I get a room, I’ll mention here that I don’t believe that Barreiro is above criticism. His fondness for creating, and then destroying, argumentative straw men can make his criticism gratuitous at times. His “Done as a Society” segment, for instance, which features bizarre or troubling news items, is related with an incredulity that suggests he believes he is the last sane man in America. Likewise, on the subject of local sports, his tendency to find a cloud behind every silver lining draws him perilously close to paradigmatic-blinkered thinking: at times Barreiro seems programmed to see the negative to the exclusion of the positive.<br /><br />Still, even these tendencies can make for colorful, entertaining radio. And I don’t believe they detract from his accomplishment, which has been to carve out in the competitive drive time slot a radio program that has managed to remain intelligent, eclectic, and above all, intellectually honest. Barreiro may not be another H.L. Mencken. He’s the closest we have to him in this market however. For that I believe he has earned our respect.Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-29392849874447017812008-02-10T18:20:00.000-08:002008-02-10T19:01:11.466-08:00Jim Souhan's Lazy JournalismJim Souhan devoted his <a href="http://www.startribune.com/sports/15451906.html">Sunday column</a> to cataloguing local reaction to epochal events in Minnesota sports. The public’s supposedly unanimous responses -- “Minnesotans hated these deals”-- to moves that worked out well served as a refrain that lent the piece a satisfying cohesion, stylistically speaking.<br /><br />That the refrain also painted a misleading picture did not seem to concern Souhan. How else to explain his decision to include among the "hated" moves the decision to draft Joe Mauer over Mark Prior in the 2001 draft? No doubt some observers felt that the Twins were choosing the lesser but more affordable talent in Mauer. But to suggest that Minnesotans in general hated this deal? Didn’t the excitement surrounding that pick suggest that most took pride in the selection? I suspect that Souhan decided to include the Mauer pick near the end of his list because the pick turned out so spectacularly well, and the suggestion that Minnesotans hated the pick served as a fine exclamation point to his contention that Minnesotans react with knee-jerk and ultimately myopic unanimity to sports related events.<br /><br />Of course the obvious problem with that contention is that it is wrong. Turn on sports talk radio or enter the Minnesota sports blogsphere and you’ll discover a diversity local opinion on most any local sporting subject you’ll care to name. To remain ignorant of, or possibly ignore, that diversity for the sake of thematic and stylistic integrity of a piece is to engage in lazy journalism.<br /><br />Souhan is the Crown Prince (or rather the Court Jester) of lazy journalism in that his pieces are loosely constructed and typically favor glib humor over analysis. That approach makes for entertaining, but rarely informative, pieces. As someone who relies at least as much on humor as analysis in his own writing, I’d be a hypocrite to suggest that there is no place for his style of writing in the sports page. I will suggest, however, that Souhan ought to recognize where his contribution rates among those who elevate substance over style.<br /><br />Certainly that substance is out there. There are local bloggers who write some very informative stuff. For instance, Nick Nelson, Aaron Gleeman, Ubelmann and company over at SBG, the crew at Twins Territory, Kyle Eliason, John Sharkey, the inimitable John Bonnes (aka Twins Geek), and a host of others frequently featured at MNGameDay.com and whom I do a disservice by failing to mention often write posts steeped in detailed, research-driven analysis.<br /><br />Which brings me to a throwaway line in Sunday’s throwaway piece:<br /><br /><em>“Gentle readers – and bloggers who remain ever-hopeful of gainful employment – hate everything about the (Santana) deal…. And they remind me that I must be wrong, because Minnesotans’ gut reactions are always right."</em><br /><br />The implication in this line – and indeed in the entire piece – is that bloggers base their opinion on their gut, whereas Souhan bases his opinion on informed argument. Certainly one might argue that this should be the case. With the exception of Gleeman, the bloggers I have mentioned are not full time scribes. They are college students and business men and women and blue and white collar professionals who shoehorn their blogging into crowded lives. Indeed, it is <em>precisely because</em> bloggers are gainfully employed by organizations that don’t pay them to write that one would expect to discover in their works a species of lazy journalism. Likewise, it is precisely because Jim Souhan is gainfully employed by a newspaper that pays him to research and to write that one would expect much research-backed analysis.<br /><br />That this is not always the case -- that Souhan’s Sunday column stands as an exemplar of his loose, style-driven approach while MNGameday.com is loaded with links to research-driven blogs -- suggests that, at the very least, when Souhan tars the purveyors of relatively uninformed sports commentary, he feathers himself in the process.Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-55572619481998587492008-02-08T04:23:00.001-08:002008-02-08T08:34:37.190-08:00Mocked NFL Draft: The First Ten PicksSo we only know baseball, you say? Bah. Gameday projects the first ten picks of the 2008 NFL Draft.<br /><br /><strong>1. Miami (1-15)</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick: Bill Germanokos</span></strong>, OL, Winner of NBC's "Biggest Loser"<br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The buzz:</span></strong> In Germanakos, NFL’s biggest loser lands a proven winner already accustomed to humiliating himself on national television. Should have no problem regaining dirigible proportions; elephantine buttocks could anchor O-line for a decade.<br /><br /><strong>2. St. Louis (3-13)</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick: Paul Douglas, QB, Meteorologist</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The buzz:</span></strong> Consensus number two a supremely talented backpedaller who always manages to avoid being exposed when fronts collapse. Polished, cerebral improviser has mostly dodged concerns over accuracy. Toolset includes spectacular Doppler Unit. Needs to bulk up a bit.<br /><br /><strong>x - 3. Atlanta (4-12)</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick:</span></strong> <span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>Steve Irwin (deceased)</strong></span><span style="color:#000000;">,</span><span style="color:#000000;"> </span>QB, Animal Planet’s "The Crocodile Hunter"<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>The buzz:</strong></span> After the Vick debacle, Falcons must rate character over physical ability. Strong commitment to animal rights will offset Irwin's figurative, literal lack of pocket presence.<br /><br /><strong>x - 4. Oakland (4-12)</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick:</span></strong> <span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>Pat Robertson</strong></span>, RB, Host, The 700 Club<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>The buzz:</strong></span> Al Davis and company looking for battering-ram type back. Robertson, who believes the earth is 9000 years old, comes with rocks in his head.<br /><br /><strong>x - 5. Kansas City (4-12)</strong><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>The Pick: Rachael Ray</strong></span>, OL, Celebrity Chef<br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The buzz</span></strong>: Chief's once dominant O-line in need of some help. Ray is a pancake machine. A no-brainer here.<br /><br /><strong>6. N.Y. Jets (4-12)</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick:</span></strong> <strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">Fox NFL Robot</span></strong>, DT, Fox NFL Pregame Show<br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The buzz:</span></strong> Robot tumbles all the way to six after disappointing Super Bowl showing against the Terminator. Jets enamored with jumping, knee bending, finger pointing abilities.<br /><br /><strong>7. New England (From SF (5-11))</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick:</span></strong> <strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">Cloverfield monster</span></strong>, DE<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>The buzz:</strong></span> Monster has size, strength to dominate the edges. Performance in East River puts to rest doubts concerning swim technique. Patriots love proven track record against New York.<br /><br /><strong>8. Baltimore (<span style="color:#ff0000;">5-11)</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick: Michael Jackson</span></strong>, RB, Pop Superstar<br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The buzz:</span></strong> Shifty and elusive with plenty of dazzle. Scouts agog over unusual "moonwalking" gait, which can make him seem to go forward even while he's losing ground. Nose for football, nose lacking.<br /><br /><strong>9. Cincinnati (7-9)</strong><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>The Pick:</strong></span> <strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">David Blaine</span></strong>, WR, Street Magician<br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The buzz:</span></strong> Dynamic performer with great hands and magical skills. Signature levitation move will make him unstoppable in end zone fade routes.<br /><br /><strong>10. New Orleans (7-9)</strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff0000;">The Pick: Dennis Kucinich</span></strong>, LB, U.S. Representative<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>The buzz:</strong></span> New Orleans in desperate need of Douglas and his Doppler but may have to settle for Kucinich instead. Tenacious but undersized, inability to range to his right limits his appeal. Probably a reach here.Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-31591532790062119672008-01-31T18:18:00.000-08:002008-02-01T10:23:26.791-08:00Tim Tschida's Neighbor Questioned: The Shocking TranscriptYesterday, Major League Baseball was accused of <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3224312">sending investigators into umpires’ hometowns</a> to ask neighbors “ill-contrived questions”, a form of background checking that some likened to the actions of a secret police. Gameday's crack investigative team has secured the transcript of one such conversation between major league baseball investigator Tom Christopher and a long-time neighbor of St. Paul native and MLB umpire Tim Tschida.<br /><br /><br /><div align="center">***</div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div>Hello ma’am. My name's Tom Christopher (TC) and I'm with Major League Baseball. We're talking to neighbors of our umpiring crew. Just want to make sure we have the right people for the job. Mind if I ask you a few questions?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I don't have a lot of time--<br /></span><br />TC: Won't take but a few moments. Here, let's just get started. How long have you known Mr. Tschida?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Well, since he and his wife moved in next door. That was quite a while ago. Ten years?<br /></span><br />TC: Are they nice neighbors?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Oh yes. Very nice.</span><br /><br />TC: No disruptive behavior? Wild parties? Visits from the police?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Oh no. Just normal people.<br /></span><br />TC: Have you been in their basement?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Their basement? I don't think so.</span><br /><br />TC: Bear with me now. Has Mr. Tschida ever offered you a “poop sack"?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">What?</span><br /><br />TC: A spliff? A doobie?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I don't—</span><br /><br />TC: Marijauna, ma’am.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Marijauna? They're not growing marijuana, if that's what you're asking.<br /></span><br />TC: Fine. Has his wife ever stopped by with a swollen, bloodied face and said, "I can't see nuthin. You gotta open my eye. Cut me, Mick."<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">What? My name's not Mick--</span><br /><br />TC: That's a Rocky reference, ma’am. Victims of domestic violence will often use humor to cover up incidents of abuse.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">But he doesn't abuse his wife --</span><br /><br />TC: This wife of his, has she said that Mr. Tschida regurgitates his food? Stamps the ground while she's folding red towels? Moos plaintively, or possibly with window-rattling violence, during lovemaking?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">What on earth --<br /></span><br />TC: Side effects of certain performance enhancing injections. Steer hormones, specifically. Doesn’t ring a bell? Fine. Does Mr.Tschida believe in reincarnation?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I haven’t the slightest. Why?<br /></span><br />TC: Their's not to reason why. Their's but to do and die.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Excuse me?</span><br /><br />TC: A bit of Tennyson, ma’am. The sort of thing that a reincarnated member of the 19th century planter class might drop into casual conversation. Ever hear Mr. Tschida say something like that?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I'm not following you.<br /></span><br />TC: I'll cut to the chase then. What are the chances that Mr. Tschida owns slaves?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Um, about one in a billion?</span><br /><br />TC: So, you're saying there's a chance?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">That's not even funny.<br /></span><br />TC: Wasn't meant to be. Has Mr. Tschida ever flown a passenger jet into a building?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">A passenger jet? Wouldn't he be dead if he did that?<br /></span><br />TC: Technically speaking, yes. We'd be dealing with a zombie then.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">A zombie?</span><br /><br />TC: A zombie. Your arm. Has he eaten it?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Eaten my arm? You mean, actually eaten my arm?<br /></span><br />TC: Yes.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Does it look like it?<br /></span><br />TC: Could be a prosthetic.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">This is a joke, right?<br /></span><br />TC: Ma’am, I wish. Have you heard of Tim Donaghy? He's an NBA referee who bet on games he officiated. We can't allow a Donaghy into our umpire crews. So we're covering all the bases, if you'll pardon the pun.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">But -- a zombie? Zombies don't even exist.<br /></span><br />TC: Maybe not. Can't be too careful, though. Now then, crop circles. Have they appeared in his backyard?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">He doesn't have any crops--<br /></span><br />TC: Bright lights? A cigar-shaped craft?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">You mean a UFO?</span><br /><br />TC: Is Mr. Tschida a pod person?<br /><br /><stunned>(stunned silence)<br /><br />TC: I need you to focus, ma’am. Is Tim Tschida a pod person?<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">No, he’s not a pod person. What's that helicopter—</span><br /><br />TC: Never mind the helicopter. Nothing to see there.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">I think I have to go now.</span><br /><br />TC: Please don't make me waterboard you, ma’am.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Waterboard? What? What are you doing?<br /></span><br />TC: Henderson, secure the witness!<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Who's that? What's he doing in my bushes? Wait! Isn't that -- that's Bill Johnson!<br /></span><br />TC: No, that's Jim Henderson, ma’am. He's been surveiling the area.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">But he's been my mailman for four years!<br /></span><br />TC: Deep cover, ma’am.<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Now hold on! You can't do this!</span><br /><br />TC: Ma’am, I work for a man with the power to contract entire franchises out of existence. I can do anything.Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-8060826341995068862008-01-21T18:59:00.000-08:002008-01-21T19:12:35.594-08:00Truck Commercials: Like A CrockTelevised football with its frequent breaks usually finds the sun of my intellect partially eclipsed by a fast-approaching, truck-commercial induced brain aneurysm. On Sunday, I fear that aneurysm struck as the cognitive equivalent of a global killer. For today I feel compelled to go out and buy a pickup truck.<br /><br />Not so long ago I believed that I lived in a nation of paved roads. Not anymore. Pickup truck commercials have convinced me that I'll have to drive up and over the Ozarks to get to the grocery store. Probably I'll be hauling something -- a bunch of rocks, or possibly a disabled eighteen-wheeler. Somewhere along the way I'll find myself braking at the maw of a bottomless crevice, that after navigating a gigantic, erector set obstacle course that threatens me with plunging, skyscraper-high steel beams. Carhartt-accessorized men in hardhats will look on. They will cheer me.<br /><br />But not only men. Admiring women will recognize the strong correlation between the size of my truck and the size of my genetalia. What's more, the wholesome manliness of my vehicle will send my pituitary gland into a compensatory overdrive, flooding my testicles with testosterone-producing hormones. Probably some will gaze at my suddenly splendid physique and impossibly strong chin and mistake me for Fox NFL analyst Howie Long. Of course I will set them straight. Guys capable of slamming shut with authority a door on the bed of a truck hardly require the security of a contrived identity.<br /><br />It’s pleasant to imagine myself rolling up to my place in a shiny new truck. That rusting Mazda 626 always parked on the street will remind me that some would sacrifice their manhood to the false idol of a superior fuel efficiency. "Poor bastard," I'll mutter, forgetting for the moment, and probably forever, that I drove that car once. And as the sun sets on another star-spangled day, I'll lay my head down pondering a question that has troubled me since the first telecast of this NFL season : am I really getting everything that I need from my cell phone plan?Tom Genrichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17816240220554275176noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-84284541836632024482007-12-29T20:26:00.000-08:002007-12-29T20:30:25.422-08:00A Perfect EveningI had all of these big plans to start writing here regularly again, but I got sick instead. Shameful. In an attempt to jump-start my productivity, I camped out with a laptop in front of Saturday’s Patriots-Giants Quest for Perfection. Apparently, this game was a big deal…<br />-----<br />The Giants hit a deep one to Burress on the second play of the game—an excellent grab. I haven’t even had the chance to figure out which channel I want to watch this thing on. So many choices. Unfortunately, everybody is just using the NFL Network feed, meaning there is no escape from the horror that is Bryant Gumbel. It’s like listening to Kermet the Frog calling a game. Tom Coughlin just wasted a challenge on a pretty obvious incomplete pass, too. Nice work.<br /><br />We really should have just gotten every network involved here. Think of the possibilities:<br /><strong>Discovery Channel</strong>:<br />Bear Grylls shows you how to survive if you ever find yourself being chased by the Giants’ pass rush. DISCLAIMER: Bear may in fact let his crew take the beating, then take credit for it on camera.<br /><strong>Lifetime</strong>:<br />Instead of showing the game, we get a made-for-TV movie about the trials of Bridget Moynahan’s struggles as a single mother.<br /><strong>MTV</strong>:<br />Pseudo-reality shows about people who kind of like football, and occasionally talk about it, but mostly just spend their time going to crappy clubs and doing embarrassing crap.<br /><strong>VH1</strong>:<br />The Top 50 Plays from tonight’s game, as commented upon by C-list comedians.<br /><br />New York finishes off an impressive opening drive with a score; 7-0 G-Men. Perhaps we’ll have a game tonight—the Giants are pumped. The Patriots answer with a figgy, after Brady overthrows Moss in the end zone. This next possession for New York is a big one. If they can answer right back with another score, the pressure will be on New England in a hurry.<br /><br />…or not. Three and out, and the Pats take over at midfield. And just when it looks like the Giants came up with a huge third down stop, a sketchy illegal contact call gives New England a fresh set of downs. That’s the sort of swing that can really change a game. Yikes. The Pats roll down the field, getting a first and goal from the six as the first quarter ticks down. Randy Moss takes a hell of a shot to the head, but returns after a short break…<br /><br />…just in time to make a spectacular touchdown catch. That score breaks the single-season scoring record (sorry, 1998 Vikings), Brady ties Manning for the single-season passing touchdown record, and Moss ties Rice for the single-season receiving touchdown record. Plus, Moss gets a 15-yard unsportsmanlike, apparently because Kool-Ade Maroney decided to dance a bit. Alright, then. Quite the eventful play: 10-7 Pats.<br /><br />Zounds! The Pats have to kick off from their own 15, and the Giants promptly take it to the house. This is going to be fun. Maybe I’ll actually have a reason to watch past halftime—unless, of course, Gumbel drives me to commit capital crimes. Don’t think it can’t happen. Another Gostkowski field goal leaves us at 14-13 Giants, by the way.<br /><br />Not only are NBC and CBS using the NFLN game feed: they are apparently having to run the same commercials, too. That seems strange. I wonder how the revenue for that gets split up. Did Snickers just have to pay three different networks for that spot? If not, what are NBC and CBS getting out of this? More questions than answers, my friends.<br /><br />The Giants seem to be taking the bend-don’t-break approach. A potential Brady-to-Moss score bounces off of a New York helmet, so the Pats settle for yet another field goal. 16-14 now, and I’ve discovered the Dave Chappelle Killing Them Softly special running on Comedy Central. Classic. But, I must maintain focus. New York really hasn’t been doing much, when you think about it. New England has wasted a few chances, and that kick return is keeping the Giants close. Easily the most one-sided 16-14 game I’ve seen.<br /><br />…I should stop saying things like that. The Giants march straight down the field for the score, running a snazzy two-minute drill. 21-16 Giants heading to halftime, and at least I get a Gumbel break.<br /><br />Back from the half, the Patriots are going to have to wake up soon. They open the half with a punt, and now the Giants are crossing into enemy territory. Brandon Jacobs is starting to rip off some big chunks of yardage on the ground, and New England is reeling.<br /><br />Yes sir, real trouble now. A Burress touchdown, and we’re at 28-16. New England looks flat. Well, let me amend that: the New England defense looks flat. Tom Brady is having an excellent game, other than the whole lots-of-field-goals thing. The Pats are headed right down the field, inside the Giants 30. New York is getting a lot of pressure on Brady, but so far the Golden Boy has been able to stand in there.<br /><br />Ski-U-Mah, kids. Maroney dances in from six yards out, leaving us at 28-23. This is going to come down to the New England defense: if they knock the lead out, the Pats have a good chance. But as long as Eli keeps the Giants moving down the field, Shula will be a happy man...<br /><br />A change in tactics for New England on the next drive, as they really start to ramp up the pressure on Eli. We cross over into the fourth quarter: Pats ball at about the 25 after a Giants punt, still at 28-23.<br /><br />The Giants hold this time, and force the punt. 13 minutes left, Pats down 5.<br /><br />I assume NFLN is trying to make a positive impression on all of the people watching this feed who don’t get the channel. That’s why I’m confused by the existence of this strange mail-bag feature they keep running. Some guy named Dukes keeps popping up to answer viewer e-mail, but it’s the same ones every time. Just so we’re clear: Tom Brady is the MVP, and Bill Parcells knows something about football. We’ll be reminded of this another half-dozen times, I’m sure.<br /><br />The Giants are not exactly milking this clock. A fumbled snap, a dropped pass, and now a pre-snap timeout. They have the chance to really put the screws to the Pats here, but aren’t taking advantage. Their third-down pass comes up short, so the punt goes back to New England.<br /><br />Whoa boy. Brady had Moss wide open waaaaaaaaaay downfield, but the throw is short and Moss doesn’t manage to haul it in. Of course, on the next play, Brady drills Moss down the sidelines for the touchdown. Just an incredible sequence. Records fall, and Giants Stadium gets very quiet. Maroney runs in the conversion: 31-28 Pats, with 11 minutes left. I can’t get over those back-to-back Moss throws. Scary stuff. Can Eli respond? The Giants looked pretty bad on their last possession.<br /><br />Somewhere on the kick return, there was a personal foul on the Giants that push them back around the 20. No one can quite figure out why, though. A quick holding penalty, too, on a nice first-down run. Are the Giants self-destructing?<br /><br />The answer appears to be yes: Ellis Hobbs picks off Manning. He does a nice job getting both feet down, too. The Pats have a chance to work up some breathing room, and Brady is playing well.<br /><br />On third and 11, Brady dumps one off to Kevin Faulk, and Faulk breaks a few tackles on his way to a first down. That’s a huuuuuuuge play, and New England is creeping inside the red zone now. Another third-and-long conversion to Welker, inside the 10 now with five minutes left. Welker has 11 catches tonight.<br /><br />Allow me to gloat: Ski-U-Mah! Another Maroney touchdown. 38-28 now, and the Giants are searching for signs of life.<br /><br />We reach the two-minute warning with the Giants inside the Pats 20. They’re really taking their sweet time, though. Very odd. They let a solid 30 seconds tick off between plays just now, bringing us all the way down to 1:18, second and goal from the 4. They eventually get the score to a wide-open Burress (the safety fell down in the end zone), so we’ve got a game again. 38-35, with 1:04 left. Cheers for the onside kick!<br /><br />Pats recover. With that, it’s game over and 16-0. Now the pressure really starts. The Giants looked pretty good tonight, actually. It’ll be interesting to see if they carry that into the playoffs. That’s not really the story here, though…John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-20829492708887885102007-12-09T07:02:00.000-08:002007-12-11T08:41:19.985-08:00GM 2 GMA <a href="http://www.twincities.com/twins/ci_7656185">recent item</a> in the Pioneer Press contained this tidbit:<br /><br /><blockquote> "We've had a number of talks on a lot of different fronts," Smith said.<br /><br />Those talks, which apparently never resumed Thursday because most teams cleared out early, will resume by phone, e-mail and text messages over the next few weeks.</blockquote><br /><br />Naturally, this got us very curious as to what exactly goes on when two GMs text each other. And, thanks to a loophole in FISA, Batgirl was able to obtain this super secret transcript of one such conversation between new Twins GM Bill Smith and the Red Sox's Theo Epstein, which she posts here for your edification.<br /><br />[Need help? click <a href="http://www.lingo2word.com/translate.php">here]</a><br /><br /><font color="red">TE: yo homes its theO</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: sup sk8er</font><br /><font color="red">TE: sup newbie</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: did u c da rumor bout <a href="http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2007/12/santanareyeshar.html">johan 2 oak 4 dan haren</a></font><br /><font color="red">TE: LOL!!! haren is so lamo</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: sing out louise! </font><br /><font color="red">TE: so wuz da 411</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: ? </font><br /><font color="red">TE: wuz it gunna take 2 get dis deal done</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: ok we need 1 mlb reD playa & 2 A-level prospects & 1 nice (_(_) </font><br /><font color="red">TE: ? </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: we lost torii if we lose johan <a href="http://www.bat-girl.com/archives/000492.php">we need a nice (_(_)</a></font><br /><font color="red">TE: how nice? not givin u Tek</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: mayB not A-level (_(_) at least B+ (_(_) </font><br /><font color="red">TE: & whoz got B+-level (_(_) IYHO? </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: ellsbury</font><br /><font color="red">TE: 2 things retardo montalban. thing 1: ells has A-level (_(_) ells is 6 tool playa</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: ? </font><br /><font color="red">TE: (_(_) is 6th tool</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: u a tool</font><br /><font color="red">TE: thing 2: u not gettin ells </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: no deal den no johan no kkkkkkkkkkkkkk </font><br /><font color="red">TE: no ells</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: gotta go txt cashman</font><br /><font color="red">TE: ok ok how bout coco coco has A+ (_(_) </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: stop tryin 2 gimme coco</font><br /><font color="red">TE: come on johan 4 coco & his A++++++ (_(_) </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: how bout johan 4 yr mum? </font><br /><font color="red">TE: lv my mum outta dis</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: ^ yurs</font><br /><font color="red">TE: wuz wrong wit coco</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: u <3 coco so bad</font><br /><font color="red">TE: byte me </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: cocoz yr BF mmmm coco xxxxxx </font><br /><font color="red">TE: shuddup bzzzzch</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: oh one sec BRB</font><br /><font color="red">TE: ok</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: sorry terry ryan wuz here wants job back</font><br /><font color="red">TE: OMG! wud u say</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: i sez screw u baldy da bilzzzzzerz runnin dis show</font><br /><font color="red">TE: no u didnt</font><br /><font color="blue">BS: did 2</font><br /><font color="red">TE: OMG! LMFAO! </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: gotta go project runwayz on</font><br /><font color="red">TE: ooooh will give you ells 4 heidi klum ;-) </font><br /><font color="blue">BS: ha u wish! c u</font><br /><font color="red">TE: l8er t8er</font>Batgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13917924759063757588noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-50509580437286962532007-12-02T18:44:00.000-08:002007-12-02T18:46:53.643-08:00False Starts Audit: Playoff Push Edition<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Predictions are tough; that’s what I’m learning this year. A combination of hubris and boredom led me to <a href="http://mngameday.blogspot.com/search/label/2007%20NFL%20Preview">forecast the 2007 NFL season</a> a few months ago, if you recall. Now that we’re coming down the home stretch, I thought this was a good time to check in with those picks, to see how stupid I really am. Come with me. . .</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">AFC East:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The prediction: Patriots, Jets, Bills, Dolphins<br />Currently: Patriots, Bills, Jets, Dolphins</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It didn’t take a genius to pick New England out of the East. I can’t really pat myself on the back there. The question now is whether or not 19-0 is attainable; that will come down to the Pats’ running game. They’ve really gotten away from running Maroney; if they’re just saving him for the playoffs, I think they’ll be fine. If there’s something else going on there, New England is quite vulnerable.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I mixed around the Jets and Bills, although I wasn’t very high on either of them. The Bills might sneak into one of the Wild Card spots, but overall I’ll take this set of picks.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">AFC North:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The prediction: Bengals, Ravens, Steelers, Browns<br />Currently: Steelers, Browns, Bengals, Ravens</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This one. . . was not as pretty. Yeesh. I had some decent things to say about Cleveland, but thought things wouldn’t come together for them until at least 2008. I also didn’t see Derek Anderson coming at all. Whoops. I messed up on the Steelers<span style=""> </span>as well; in the original preview, I said that the three top teams in this division were all good, but Ben Roethlisberger would hold them back. Wrong.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">For some reason, I predicted that Steve McNair would regress, but the Ravens would finish second. Uh, dumb? And I really thought the Bengals would just score all over everybody. Rudi Johnson has been hurt, but still. This was an ugly division for me.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">AFC South:</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: Jaguars, Colts, Titans, Texans<br />Currently: Colts, Jaguars, Titans, Texans</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This one would have looked really good, if the Jags could have stolen Sunday’s game against Indy. D’oh. Of course, I was a major Byron Leftwich proponent, and we all know how that turned out (not well). Indy’s defense has not been the major weakness I thought it would be, and they’re sitting pretty at 10-2. Oh well. I was too harsh on the Texans, also. I ripped them hard, and they’ve actually been pretty decent. So, lesson learned.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">AFC West:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: Broncos, Chargers, Raiders, Chiefs<br />Currently: Chargers, Broncos, Raiders, Chiefs</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Both of the bottom two teams here are pretty stinky overall. The Chiefs are especially bad; at least there’s a glimmer of a future in Oakland. Oh, and: surprise! Larry Johnson got hurt!</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Chargers are pretty junky. I blasted Norv Turner, and he’s largely lived up to his billing. I overestimated the Broncos, however. Especially on defense, where they look awful. This season has raised some questions re: Mike Shanahan’s general competency. Kick to Devin Hester much? Sigh. . . This one is probably over: the Broncos are reeling after a couple of ugly losses, so the Chargers should cruise to a nine- or ten-win season and the playoff spot.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">NFC West:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: 49ers, Seahawks, Rams, Cardinals<br />Currently: Seahawks, Cardinals, 49ers, Rams</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Yee-ouch. That San Fran pick looks pretty nasty right now, doesn’t it. The lesson: never, ever think Alex Smith is competent. Frank Gore has not exactly been the difference-maker I said he’s be, either. The Seahawks are boring and mediocre, but that’s enough to get the job done in this horrendous division.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Cardinals are making a little noise, especially after Sunday’s win against the Browns. Sitting at 6-6 now, they have a real shot at a Wild Card spot. We’ll see if Kurt Warner can keep all of his body parts attached. . .</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">NFC South:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: Saints, Panthers, Bucs, Falcons<br />Currently: Bucs, Panthers, Saints, Falcons</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Whither the Saints? They’re making me look pretty bad, here. I still think Tampa Bay sucks, but someone has to win this thing. The Saints occasionally show signs of life, then they do something stupid like losing to the Bucs on Sunday. That was a big loss, and probably put a fork in New Orleans. Carolina continues to be mediocre at best, and the Falcons are awful. At least I got a couple of these picks right.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">NFC East:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: Eagles, Redskins, Cowboys, Giants<br />Currently: Cowboys, Giants, Redskins, Eagles</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I butchered this one about as badly as I did the AFC North. I ripped on Tony Romo, and declared Donovan McNabb would “play at a high level.” Oh. I pretty much screwed this whole thing up: the Giants haven’t collapsed (yet), the Redskins aren’t looking too hot for a Wild Card, the Cowboys are the class of the conference, and the Eagles suck. Just another day at the office.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">NFC North:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: Bears, Packers, Vikings, Lions<br />Currently: Packers, Lions, Vikings, Bears</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This one should look a little better a few weeks from now. The Vikings and Bears should blow past Detroit; the Lions are going in the tank. I thought the Packers would be pretty good, but I didn’t expect 10-2. I thought Rex Grossman would blow Chicago’s season, but not until the playoffs. I thought Adrian Peterson would be the Purple Jesus, but the lack of a passing game would cost the Vikings. So, plenty of half-rights and almost-goods. Compared to some of my more brutal divisions, I won’t argue too much.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">Super Bowl:<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Prediction: Patriots over Eagles<br />The New Prediction: Patriots over Packers</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Ugh, that Eagles pick just keeps twisting the knife. I actually think that a Packers/Cowboys rematch could go to Green Bay; Favre put the Pack in an immediate hole on Thursday before getting hurt, and if a tidier first quarter that could have been a very different game. I really hope they meet in the playoffs, just to get another taste. And, like I said earlier, if the Pats can run the ball they’ll go to the Super Bowl. Homeboy.</p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-87446051745702710172007-11-29T19:47:00.000-08:002007-11-30T12:10:36.122-08:00Team Chemistry, Delmon Young Style: a reenactment<b><i>The whole town is ablaze with talk of the blockbuster Delmon Young trade, sometimes quite literally. In case you missed it, Batgirl at Gameday brings you a reenactment, using Legos.</b></i><br /><br /><b>As Star Tribune Twins reporters LaVelle E. Neal III and Joe Christensen head to work in the morning…</b><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVHZma6l8go-exoIRGWfR3ztffVyikIhiJu2pBjfqWXdtah_Bnsjq11ktOnfab9NmhlTTupNF5R3Lgno_PdcPLg3lcolG5XJpPE8_SOPkW8PC53winqDz6fsYRtv16FcIEPP8eCu0tjiA/s1600-r/LENandJoe1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju2q1mI1JvQVb2yHeOem6oQ2Fv2ESb6Sg3cidZa7HbogASfkk-INVNvnOCVlox_E9Xb1ASlVWd290Q8KSrqlSE-Asssu3DG2fY7991Q_AWwPXC7oH2rXP_xGz7_EQnGd-Eeh7X9h5_WMI/s400/LENandJoe1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138492444627282770" /></a><br />Singing together: <i>"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go..."</i><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVakJdp_MuJ9ITk5NvXpiydZKn5IV1yPOYTlFGm8wIh_c-3fZg88A7xHsi84Zcqyd_U18VwLaL_0heP-RlOtX8Guu0Rr_nGxmg1SYIFURg7AH1grUnj965L5hyphenhyphenepQU9RWN54zDxBsOyBs/s1600-r/LENtoJoe.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsTTcRScDY-6etJ0V7osLwz5rOrxx5vo5nR7YbbJJeYnkcxvvCOo_dBTnApqn2pshmwNiak7zMa5j-fbrRH1byK34an5GirBGb1mqtVyXGqk30d1bLSfbroH2mlM7wOzOJSn7eUo34wC4/s400/LENtoJoe.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138484146750466498" /></a><br />"So, Joe C., what do you think of the big trade?"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIWHpf2ZYVwzlSbOVSPP6AXD71YLZulC4UbjxJeQJfAquhh0mN_cGYm2RzRudPJTN351X21aqO2XHJD7yVwvHQ1QR6jA5WUv9jJRyvHyjRhXn_PcQA5f1wOaOMzzqoRkxbDe-cl_X6bg/s1600-r/JoeandLen2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbNyHVlquoj_BErE7UhEjLEOhMaAaIVPNVrpTFe6zUsy0lz75q0xZaS0EBQTfdBkLI3RvXcI1pVTCp9A_3TSsS48kkEbaXIEaRkUpDVi92JQn8eLOeuqTpYzay-4rM6C50eljL_a4VJAU/s400/JoeandLen2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138484146750466530" /></a><br />"Oh, I don't know, III. I mean, Delmon Young's great, but I'm afraid without a charismatic veteran player to show him how things are done around here, he might go astray. He <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2423307">threw a bat at an ump!</a> And our big hitters aren't exactly...well….I mean, I really wonder if our clubhouse is up to a guy like that."<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8iYOpPC7_v5lYr7ovvMkDRl93f4BwcZYAEzGq_leUUicmOr2eC63AyNaPuOsUE26JAwLGLzoZRbuRO5Gj-Hk7As3NvrYVC3Lp3SipGTSYwFjiBLxkw_MyKlvGUPrZt-4DKKYceHGPc-o/s1600-r/LEN.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXZf7FSXdvqML-KnJp9418mRWxajMGUsW9R7uNEpa5K4o-z-sU7H-f4Hclu9N1tJNuj9pZmz-Wh35oyiC977-GcCcb0icdej_DWAocfxXJkT5kF5NrjJBSazBPwqw_RIQnrOeMRtRZG4g/s400/LEN.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138484146750466514" /></a><br />"No, Joe, it's going to be all right. Just watch this footage I've collected on my PSYCHIC iPHONE! You'll see what I mean…"<br /><br /><br /><b>Peering into LaVelle's PSYCHIC iPHONE, we see into the Twins clubhouse….</b><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGYK5VrMqK2xMs4bAgpq8GUHrXnc1oqL4MMPR1BKRZffx5glZY1VJQCC7_8IR2PbLghnH-iRCPQW5MkYtFA8-SvAUud8asAYV5NKFFn_pCfDas8Xh6suQ5Q81XI1__N9suyleHztf4-VQ/s1600-r/allthree.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDQ0gD7OdTQjkxNjleKMsDq0nNZXQkKSrUQp083Dq7CLJQ_KPbEwH7E_v6GPht5gHuLRZ6xFqxIJzEOMZlzzVPnKnxf3AWxjbz_znNLnR4HL2UvYo8mUPE0ZYO_mPgwyRn6YdArlOqOLw/s400/allthree.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138485409470851570" /></a><br />As the Carpenters' Greatest hits play, Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, and Joe Mauer gather for some quiet introspection, when their new teammate arrives.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSWoywJPXXWY_L4cUakpBTs3bNb24wuJvAMgIIVGzxBrwJMghnK11mDTwQOGywmZsXmNOc83CW7IzTqa2Bpo7aGx2IaL7tXKAE0JPeAPGJN7itiPmZ153nTwyDRh9d5-e01sLsOxz786I/s1600-r/Delmon.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYwRTYLolIm2D-QA_Ib20orQEsvewFPArwUJW9XNgeUCcjfh9cuXOeaOFQHo0idT-FwHzo32Yj8it04hs373vmLIHt-vGolntNFbsxjRPLTRegAwvS6OZThAs7fn_hk15t7fLoDFxs9Ew/s400/Delmon.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138485409470851586" /></a> <br />"Hey, guys! I'm Delmon Young! I'm so happy to be a Twin!"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEfgKrO0C3CzD-GkcQrRegXM-fBVtmPm7_py9SzH8_GBnF3wTPfRzNx-El6f3FUjpECfac-UBBtLFAjtEAlftDBlo-_iZTNwnN2qj7cu4asnPta08fonvpb5JumjtnaZrI0VVFPf_kTg8/s1600-r/delmontalksb4.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIrh7OIPtVJsV7hAo6jDugiZQ2BqZZTajuqk6t_bFf0QAHZTN7K_n3KSgzCxPJWT_7Iax-6vmMPFVgg668sxCNEuwvTzpqo-EqLtStC-m1wWZklCcOkL0WWlnDTcoez9z9-JXSAZBrH1U/s400/delmontalksb4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138486758090582546" /></a><br />"Hey, Delmon!" said Cuddyer, "Nice uniform! We were just having a stoic-off. Do you want to join us?"<br />Morneau, singing quietly: <i>Ahhhh,ahahaaaaaaa....Close to Youuuuuuuuu.</i><br />"Man," said Young, "you guys are dull. Come on, I'll show you how to have a good time!"<br /><br /><br /><br /><b>Outside the Dome...</b><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxKDV8Ssg1dMDJPRWwR8sKlSrUwfby1n1sy3FCo2RvizDXkVfYW89-qGgBjSlr60O2sGON1ssu3jRMNRhvK6Sa3O9zp4H8cVgy_leb7VBmHdZeOSwst-BVHrZJI5jULFGZniGDiwdNg3Y/s1600-r/ump.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0vAllmkr4YRIQm8xKJcqLFqrhG7P9rkOwex8m-wdsrxQDNxVVFs0rbd5s8dMk8LT7_s3JpE_IgcFeIeyQd7uG8fOpHtnCTjoCTr_kaG_XXYhtlTlJ5dIqeiTpqePDSYF1OmcttLAw3BI/s400/ump.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138486762385549874" /></a><br />Singing: <i>Whistle While You Work...</i><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNOOuXjdskdsHs8-xavip9aJwxIiUj2zqCylwa53jHz2HCSPRmcYWC5MoOf-LBKpDXLI8L0SuOv1wpEplpaBHE35kJjONLcjwlRA5VJ1Amz7dBfLSK6nsax1LO2Xh0psJBPjJ38Iisr0o/s1600-r/delandump.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicrvwuSy2uX6sfPj1_fld0kCCK4TxLwwuUPKsGAn7jxiFfen978OKqiSiz71dMCvVuyqKHWPSlcNaxAkBhgw5SBA9F_YWBNynUpII4E4hKxcgqiTAfuU7VXAkvMH-szXHrN-tJBPn6QmA/s400/delandump.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138486766680517186" /></a><br />"Hey, random umpire, come here, into the clubhouse, I want to show you something…"<br />"Oh, sure Delmon!" said the ump. "Let's go!"<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggQoqVmwg5xkmCH-a4oH5wAQuhbwzGnvfXnpkIGu2WzszkwOYSUwDf3mx5XIjzI9GT47ct0rqAXl2oXmeF36Sn86tt4HSHCLp3dg4gKASaVEuhgcEas95eKU82QoVBh38pVbtTtD1cnl8/s1600-r/delmonappears.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRldOxH_gadQ7xeG8KnbSXBmPr0A-exhGnBTkwq1qNWydhPA_nHrLD1JbYYmsm4xhWElgm-w1pZMcXLKpbkG3hebFJHJl2MjqdU-H9AP61NIarpS1TFbSRpuaPFPuw8wbwxkkc5SAXPaU/s400/delmonappears.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138486762385549858" /></a><br />"Okay, guys. Now, stand here, and I want you to throw your bats at him."<br />"What?" said all three at once.<br />"Hey!" said the ump.<br />"Shut up and take it like a man!" said Young.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGYK5VrMqK2xMs4bAgpq8GUHrXnc1oqL4MMPR1BKRZffx5glZY1VJQCC7_8IR2PbLghnH-iRCPQW5MkYtFA8-SvAUud8asAYV5NKFFn_pCfDas8Xh6suQ5Q81XI1__N9suyleHztf4-VQ/s1600-r/allthree.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDQ0gD7OdTQjkxNjleKMsDq0nNZXQkKSrUQp083Dq7CLJQ_KPbEwH7E_v6GPht5gHuLRZ6xFqxIJzEOMZlzzVPnKnxf3AWxjbz_znNLnR4HL2UvYo8mUPE0ZYO_mPgwyRn6YdArlOqOLw/s400/allthree.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138485409470851570" /></a><br />"I don't know," says Mauer, quietly.<br />"That seems like a lot of energy," says Morneau, laconically.<br />"It's not nice to throw things," said Cuddyer, shyly.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSWoywJPXXWY_L4cUakpBTs3bNb24wuJvAMgIIVGzxBrwJMghnK11mDTwQOGywmZsXmNOc83CW7IzTqa2Bpo7aGx2IaL7tXKAE0JPeAPGJN7itiPmZ153nTwyDRh9d5-e01sLsOxz786I/s1600-r/Delmon.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYwRTYLolIm2D-QA_Ib20orQEsvewFPArwUJW9XNgeUCcjfh9cuXOeaOFQHo0idT-FwHzo32Yj8it04hs373vmLIHt-vGolntNFbsxjRPLTRegAwvS6OZThAs7fn_hk15t7fLoDFxs9Ew/s400/Delmon.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138485409470851586" /></a> <br />"Man. You guys are sooooooo lame! Come on, give it a shot."<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGYK5VrMqK2xMs4bAgpq8GUHrXnc1oqL4MMPR1BKRZffx5glZY1VJQCC7_8IR2PbLghnH-iRCPQW5MkYtFA8-SvAUud8asAYV5NKFFn_pCfDas8Xh6suQ5Q81XI1__N9suyleHztf4-VQ/s1600-r/allthree.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDQ0gD7OdTQjkxNjleKMsDq0nNZXQkKSrUQp083Dq7CLJQ_KPbEwH7E_v6GPht5gHuLRZ6xFqxIJzEOMZlzzVPnKnxf3AWxjbz_znNLnR4HL2UvYo8mUPE0ZYO_mPgwyRn6YdArlOqOLw/s400/allthree.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138485409470851570" /></a><br />"Well….I guess we should make him feel welcome," said Mauer. "That's what my mom would say to do."<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSAD7ULQ1kbLmqoiEE6qfU-5k1XxfOZXIC5CFWyE3gE9IW0bUEE-O8aJENBxXGfWPiEm_qsdhDgA_40aQMfJ_7ifWq5LSknbdCekT2F4lb45NyArg3XBiEpP4ydbH88GbdLKWDypF-5cY/s1600-r/readytothrow.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrQo3pWG_W65_vQBOl53znHD1Bt0lG0EWQbpLK5yiVzY8fUzfvqsGO_tUaQsWj7nWX13nA_t67BGOkg5dweH3UzhkDeK5U2cd8Bkz6s_D67BDfjKPSa3o6Cs3DeB2mc0e2Snmj5sd7unM/s400/readytothrow.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138489120322595410" /></a><br />"I'm sorry, Mr. Umpire, Sir!" squeaked Mauer, as he threw.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxKDV8Ssg1dMDJPRWwR8sKlSrUwfby1n1sy3FCo2RvizDXkVfYW89-qGgBjSlr60O2sGON1ssu3jRMNRhvK6Sa3O9zp4H8cVgy_leb7VBmHdZeOSwst-BVHrZJI5jULFGZniGDiwdNg3Y/s1600-r/ump.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0vAllmkr4YRIQm8xKJcqLFqrhG7P9rkOwex8m-wdsrxQDNxVVFs0rbd5s8dMk8LT7_s3JpE_IgcFeIeyQd7uG8fOpHtnCTjoCTr_kaG_XXYhtlTlJ5dIqeiTpqePDSYF1OmcttLAw3BI/s400/ump.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138486762385549874" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjm_aWrdTc9XUuta-o9L_6bSqu1xIFlFSexZk1yQ272sdEOjkTlYKPUcOK4iHjE1wfhv0H9LxwK7beuz6uhpOyEOXtb80Za4HLq6JkIOhM9bIlsfmQA_6WrhGCAO0vt17G6xUNFi9KliE/s1600-r/umpdown.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNnXKFlvErMoAblonpbCKgm7pppUbGphl5KiRwD6F9vV7YPp_qFk3ObZs6NK-EL0DJnB0XgtqIW78ft3s5ZI2ST2rVQnfixkXZ5yDe6uuyMijim5cPiR1oulL7wW-J5d6AJN6a0RF_H5E/s400/umpdown.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138489120322595426" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0NJhqJAP4EmTmz1mu-nDskJHzJqqrSZzOFWaBfQJBiNXcdnApgNTKbTYX3l7kCdlCipt37eWFS5JsU58CzVvKuLEH4WLVet08HxjAbo0nC7SfpgERHk0nY0gZtZuZPVt1AobY04cxH4/s1600-r/mauerrampage.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFjkMjFPz2AewcMxn-AF4tvC0fQMoUmS3ZvoIHdF4qLb9an2WcZ3vxqSoAgUeE2U8GwnzuglpHuE79796z9BSjAIcRkLr8J1jeN6SwcPn7rsvDMbkOMytMGzLXW_yqBoJufrIrOJTy8IE/s400/mauerrampage.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138489597063965314" /></a><br />"THAT WAS AWESOME," yelled Mauer, jumping up and down.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIiMQhgHudVn-W2aKN2v6sPqSB6MFqFs2sccqzEXxuS3G92EurnPZuKrNWGPAnPxkTlgCV2ryeVYUp3iricxwR9u2Sp14yabKl3tbW8gjWxEBEqyX43_WqZP75fNbWDN9ARzdLUYxFQD0/s1600-r/morneaurampage.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYo6cQyU4UDQayoadZxzK2UVazhUKv6-J4wqppu4S6HuxR-p5nbQ8FWCCDdl_Jn-ikuodwMgF-1D0io-5MhmYZJp1OwnwTb8VGTcxDxNB8hOroJMhUM6jE47Mz7GVSYDNRkxtdbYTFNQs/s400/morneaurampage.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138489601358932626" /></a><br />"I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE," yelled Morneau, tearing off his shirt.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg21eZV4hsWCMuUnTJRUh82EI_NUmqQvbWxwwWWtc7tGjeThwVijsta7maPISz52FFP_km2xj_1UXfauDCB81kfnshhA6ovG5noly9Xa_t-LbkJ5MkOIl0XBQypRfB-NisR9kK9OWOWHL0/s1600-r/cuddyrampage.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxz6Oka3RK3COXS6QDj8GVeK2jeNIau_17oPLgGJOZkG3WnJPXmgtaiWjKRDqojnK8MYL4RxNHCJ4naWfz_Bp5cg8wmFwGHRC6rvI2ak0jBc9v0vgOtAzdaRD09Jjvve3dx4FK3UieLlc/s400/cuddyrampage.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138489592768998002" /></a><br />"AOOOOOOOOOOOW!" howled Cuddy, smearing warpaint all over his body. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5fwM7dyIrbzZZFl6n_dJwt-RaYS_2uXMmj-aL7r6F4MYZrGMX5vnINy-Z4SWkeTu_dn0QXvuwQl3bq2b4M9o4RbY9xLWeqwCQ9O65yzdbVgDJDt0qbKip0-ZajevKcdhe_t5NZVA6kQA/s1600-r/threepoised.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFtXchegXuC3jjom_mTnWjWri9a40Ph5pPSYtsV8-SZHCqGdybxISi9l06cBjw27Nc5ke21K3x2RFOCtXuOtgev1SYHy_Bj-tDOxjXMgIlmQYUZlzLRbcAfgLBef8QWtZJFx53ikHuWwA/s400/threepoised.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490456057424546" /></a><br />"COME ON BOYS, LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!"<br /><br /><b>Out on the streets...</b><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0heh-Eb0JgCyCoxNsM-bUBwdAc9DPXo17nxdDhPt18Teh_muNpUMzkeVKXqUYM1omkVAD_oS9uxdcqIGf4j5P5jm88p8qaZgrg4BsD4uJS-e3GWtgTLtnz6dqzDgoWauDB-s6iyraV2c/s1600-r/mpls.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYbrFyHBHLZAxoTRTdiFqlG721VxvOkPC9kkdT5e5xPAVzuKLjJLmjR2To9epQ2jQry9YdjbFt6HRHz3Tk0hdcXmZLI0DORzarUGuGYegPaVLBtwoeeNldzs0LMraoU1NHNnbipNWxZO4/s400/mpls.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490456057424562" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfxDJiUdT3gSLjdauV9q4KAy35sskHTxWSYJes8variHJ0uSqb25Q6auH4b5BxX0PVqEMtFSzHeyWKysaLb58FeZwm391HFrH9LW5WwiS4ls2sE00TvunlGCxNBJNZOXmci5V4WHlgmLI/s1600-r/mplsafire.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5uV0N4uY_X1CKiFmrqUNkYS8sdq0gaIUIhjeew4dPPrk-Byh_LQr-ALdggj9bLWE7e9-rXNt0oLDWsb6VcWeeH3iTnLiggzYYTzeIQv9Y6cTXyOpIrfjAn1o9HyqkmK0htOQZUxQdp3E/s400/mplsafire.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490460352391874" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidHGcPqBq4kt5edpkffxWXidh2bkPKy6mzqas1NEToJAInmnbYZLRRwWlZTvxwHlYco1MqcZD_RgHgZWGGedKfjy9l1VVkqso1prUa03Kso2tFBo03Ku2xSUB5dc8rfv1pn2ZyMRI4ftg/s1600-r/cherry.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4Jhkt1LBIOSpbQc3AVgrIESFqj7OoCFfB1-U_M3zOWSwHuJjJwb9t9k1gk7yUQrBVbiJnzhtIJEh30vLilp9GOW-DyK0OcPLFgc4JHj69DqVCdig2VJjw3unwj5GbTlzF1NRzYz1umA/s400/cherry.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490460352391890" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhreQX7NEj2ss_wdkH7dCwtSCTd0X_TIs_nXnqdq9xdjkZ0lwXtaBhJoyt2cRvhRnuT0U9ToQjJSJfn1kMWEyehMs6UnADkDSCiWc_tNlNQKpnW1nCd8mUra07WAxw50ea-nkJ_FiUn3m8/s1600-r/cherryafire.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE0Nww6U06AnM3Ibgg2dGrusP7yA9VdgCi1NU3PRf0Y1NuDxZwSzoOoEz_qydAandjg1krQu0H2Ulmy_cMrd2Q-1Yat7YCGOn4CeToSwtTo-Ts0pRoGA0Tt4x-j7hWvWBUOC0f9snWOag/s400/cherryafire.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490464647359202" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIOUqedRsfmO14w7kWJSTkkyJsiJXTUvfGKv37dO7NNIsCRsBCBVI5IrjKcc-G2hlUkZleglq3tL0wBTmYRnWeUM68VID6pVuUzy44h9WmmY-1y0Cqevn1hoYHEJU4jPQ1brijNXi8FQc/s1600-r/gutrie.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid1_ktL9uyIPVlLxn_TETlyzXL1ZeZ9n3GM2ZCgTzrbRVYUtxmUTbvJzTRxeO-EyPEp-_SD8tj-iqnua_ldvDAXl__HdWZ-lu3Qy9iNLpLke3o-qD6fL4MQBSATdNl3XF0SBTQZNz30KA/s400/gutrie.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490898439056114" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_lc7RkKpTnMG8wBk63y0Gj2PVe5V8gWO0GRdL9Axn_cYleQMRNYBWSnicn5SDeM68l9N6CxC566dHbqUbUFvWi0b9Rny8xdJHGo-EdDLWUZ884Hxjdl8by6cEHUaApbLCQeq4sjszHp4/s1600-r/guthrieafire.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBzxFe9Oy39Flq02dEK6kkvlPK3pss4unsXro5OxWV85qsM6eMcJcdsFvK1-BE39O3RMRUl4y4eUfNwYS85abHgMaaMspwcqI6_EzoCvBxYRj6AbuyIw9ywHsPN33BrcH5ryjtzbLEJ-8/s400/guthrieafire.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490907028990722" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMezpjM8-LtvJa7iUo3wXvpOG4F-bHYGnWA9Fi-vw5MDB_kpLjQGb57lNXBdiM8o0s_ieBVi-1CxpbdAya76In41HOJbNJAahV3v0u_WjP3KWTuBEXSYyKHyTQ3RgYOau3aHB6Fc6AYd4/s1600-r/brenda.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyT6Wb-n002z0vbFRt7RVRc8eaJzLdrMFGz0bt79r0UlBn0wFi0zIuDQRCU1416zEXflN93yfY5YXzI61igT8BYdnV6InpZbbxU4rZ13zZvQFB1alm0scLn1LcT4TgQ-Oqsp6bA49Z1Ow/s400/brenda.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490907028990738" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-gZ1LVOaYBeMRb6EqsBh1ZC_nMjPuUDLBWuAuiXfN_GIjVsavZl6osJicORxj0MeQ50o0ebWSqAfDaub3CbEHIHrd8nK8e7fyhrN19cbfdJXsTh6tzU9d3aJjzENrhPyj9gE4VSTKl9k/s1600-r/brendaafire.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXKw36qYpWctUFpVLc_86RtXEGOuyAvrBw7amGpmBV6weUeCWnSgQ5Sf4cqyt0xwsuKunJI_LsmghZ9Ww68wHa-FN4tX6a_mNRzc8-PzG_tohPSe0mxA4pKKqOWtPdxNy2GhHSi_9069I/s400/brendaafire.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138490907028990754" /></a><br /><br /><b>Back at the clubhouse...</b><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7c_59wtRHudXLiy7uyCvXf3jWqYu3SDh-ujmGxjtCrec7dLZ6mrxKQS1dwqHng6foXfrm6UungWbYlqkZZ999RPfF_9F38xQZeAgGWHDg7QZTbUn_CqGuHPQBHi6VTzmPEi1Ug2hmjBg/s1600-r/threepoised.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTdmmmE1FeZQMAgC2auqTWAoWLHCTCFV0VJO8ZgY43Myk0ivd90SmPc4Ma-bVunLY8ItVfGA3IEJVlHQCXw2279zwr1089qMJ-UT5w6KSy1AesLBLkqWfgoRglXF4rYpQN7_-BqrQX5Yw/s400/threepoised.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138491400950229810" /></a><br />"Phew, thanks Delmon Young! Now, boys, let's go play some baseball!"<br /><br /><b>And back in LaVelle's car...</b><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VzEm7zBlUVJNnG0kwb2eALDWl_atJuoFf2hlLsZitqIn-4Zhb_Fji0HnUTVoYEpfVjWSL8LMab4MoRItrjlh6g3RLalGMOG06RkZ2VYtXjC1SWchGIUv2lqsA80DeqJkYhiwpmHhqbM/s1600-r/LENandJoeend.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlmVUcQd5u1Ex_9CIsBvtCyAjXCtczbAk8TBTB4A3BXRzybzbtXw1qnCPS8PodmX1y5axaagW_TNjImdKSv40170GyKU6sgiD6wUvxRMTzP17-cT6IBCdYa5jXJSX2810X5K5N916dj9U/s400/LENandJoeend.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5138491400950229826" /></a><br />"Wow," said Joe C.. "I see what you mean, III. Finally, we've gotten the immature uncontrollable hotheaded player we need!"<br />"You said it, Joe. You said it."Batgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13917924759063757588noreply@blogger.com80tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-7898419477901974662007-09-08T22:26:00.000-07:002007-09-08T22:49:35.019-07:00False Starts Kickoff Edition: NFC North<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">It’s a beautiful morning, isn’t it? Birds are chirping, the grass is green, and large men are bashing into each other while wearing plastic armor. After a Thursday-night taste, the NFL gets into the swing of things today with a full slate of action. Even better, I have managed to get the final division preview up in time! So as you settle in for a day on the couch, here’s the action-packed conclusion to the False Starts previews: the NFC North.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The dictated-from-on-high order of finish for the 2007 NFC North:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Detroit Lions</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">How good is Calvin Johnson? Answering that question will very likely be the only reason to watch the 2007 Lions, because aside from their new first-rounder there isn’t much on this roster. A particularly horrendous offensive line, and sub-par defense, and a questionable running game all will do their part to ensure yet another crappy Lions season.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Lions traded their best defensive player (cornerback Dre’ Bly) to Denver for two lesser players who will in theory fill a pair of needs. Running back Tatum Bell never fit into the Bronco running system, and Detroit is hoping the speedy Bell will be able to hold down the starting spot in Mike Martz’s offense. Bell has always seemed to struggle late in games (he isn’t a big man by any means) and has had fumble issues, but he’s also shown flashes of supreme talent. He’s the starter, at least until Kevin Jones’s foot heals.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">George Foster, the other part of the Bly trade, slides into the right tackle spot. That at least shows that Lions management is aware of their horrible offensive line, but I’d be surprised if Foster is really the answer. He’s a decent enough player, but far from dominant. This line needs “dominant.” The rest of their starters range from mediocre (Jeff Backus) to overwhelmed (Dominic Raiola). The offensive line will hold back what could be a pretty nifty passing attack.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Roy Williams has comfortably established himself as an elite wideout, and Mike Furrey came out of nowhere last season to provide QB Jon Kitna with a respectable #2. When you throw Calvin Johnson into the mix, you’ve got a recipe for a damn fine passing game. Kitna played fairly well, all things considered, last season, and if he has a running game and time in the pocket he should be able to get the ball around to his weapons. That’s a pretty big “if”. . . .</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">You could do worse at defensive tackle than the trio of Shaun Rogers, Cory Redding, and Shaun Cody. They give Detroit a solid up-the-middle presence. Kalimba Edwards had a poor 2006 at end; he’ll be joined by ex-Buc DeWayne White. The Lions linebackers struggle with health (I’m looking at you, Boss Bailey), and they don’t really have a decent starting MLB. (Paris Lenin won that job in camp.) SS Kenoy Kennedy is a solid, but aging player, and he’s joined by rookie FS Gerald Alexander. Both safeties will be plenty busy cleaning up the mess left over by the linebacking and cornerback groups. With any luck, Matt Millen will finally lose his job this season, and the Lions will be able to start building a real team again.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Minnesota Vikings</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The 2007 Minnesota Vikings would have no problem winning the 1948 NFL championship. Unfortunately, the modern game involves frequent use of this “forward pass” doohickey that all the kids love so much, and the Horns just don’t have the players.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The running game could be a lot of fun, unless opponents start creeping ten guys into the box (which, at this point, seems likely). <a href="http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/08/his-name-is-not-adrian-peterson-his.html">The Purple Jesus</a> is an immediate impact player, and Chester Taylor is no slouch himself. If the Vikings can find a good rhythm in their HB rotation, they have a potent combo.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Those ten-man fronts are going to make things tough, unfortunately. Maybe Tarvaris Jackson has a bright future, and maybe not, but in either case he’s not going to give you much this season. The learning curve will be steep, and the Vikings don’t really have anything behind him in case he falters. Until the Vikes prove otherwise, opponents will just stack the line of scrimmage and chuckle when a Jackson pass misses Troy Williamson by five yards (or hits Williamson in the mitts).</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The run defense was, of course, outstanding last season. That shouldn’t change in 2007; the Brothers Williams at defensive tackle will see to that. Pat and Kevin give the Vikings an outstanding pair of run defenders up the middle, but unfortunately neither man really provides much in terms of a pass rush. That is going to have to change, because opponents spent most of 2006 ignoring the run and simply throwing over the top. According to <i style="">Pro Football Prospectus</i>, the 2006 Horns were with first losing team in the history of modern passing to have opponents throw at least 60% of the time. They faced 348 rushes and 628 passes, a 64% pass rate. With all of those attempts, the Vikings should have been able to mount a pass rush, but they couldn’t. (They finished 31<sup>st</sup> in <i style="">PFP</i>’s Adjusted Sack Rate.)</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Hopefully Chad Greenway will provide some help in pass coverage, because E.J. Henderson struggled there last year. Henderson gives you excellent run support, but with teams throwing as often as they did (and will) you need some coverage ability in your linebackers. Antoine Winfield and Cedric Griffin both played pretty well at corner last year, and the Vikings are deep at the safety position. They’ll need that pass defense to excel.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It won’t really matter, in the end. The NFL is a passing league, and the Vikings can’t do it.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. Green Bay Packers<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Packers are sort of the anti-Lions, having built their team from the inside out. Instead of putting together a formidable collection of skill players only to have the entire effort submarined by substandard line play, the Packers have focused on putting together solid units on both the offensive and defensive fronts. That strategy will likely pay dividends, and if Chicago stumbles the Pack will be ready to step into the divisional penthouse.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Packer offseason narrative has focused entirely on Brett Favre for the past few summers; whether or not he’ll be coming back for another season has blocked out pretty much any other story. Having Favre back for another year will help in 2007; Aaron Rogers remains entirely untested and unknown, so stability at the QB position will keep the Pack in the hunt. It’s the offensive line that will make Favre’s decision to return a wise one, though. Green Bay threw two rookie guards into the lineup in 2006, and the experience gained in that trial-by-fire will be invaluable this year. Both Jason Spitz and Daryn Colledge improved as the season went on, and they’ll be assets in 2007.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Scott Wells enters his second year as the starting center after growing into the role in 2006. Along with Chad Clifton and Mark Tauscher, Wells fills out a strong Green Bay offensive front that will keep Favre upright and looking downfield.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">There are serious questions at the offensive skill positions, however. Donald Driver is 32 and could begin to decline at any moment, and Greg Jennings continues to deal with hamstring issues that slowed him late last year. The departure of Ahman Green has left a notable gap in the running game; Vernand Morency and rookie Brandon Jackson will be relied upon heavily to keep defenses honest.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Green Bay’s defense is strong and improving, led by a good set of linebackers. A.J. Hawk played well in his rookie year and looks every bit the stud the Packers were expecting when they took him in the first round, and Brady Poppinga had a good year at strong-side linebacker in 2006. Nick Barnett gives Green Bay good play in the middle, but all of the linebackers benefit from playing behind an excellent defensive line.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Aaron Kampman is an out-and-out stud, strong against both the run and the pass from the defensive end position. Cullen Jenkins replaced Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila towards the end of the 2006 season and showed flashes of potential; Jenkins should give the Packers a solid second DE. Ryan Pickett does a good job of clogging the middle from the DT spot. The secondary could pose some problems, as both Charles Woodson and Al Harris are getting up there in years. They played well in 2006, but Green Bay will have to get younger in the defensive backfield sooner rather than later.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. Chicago Bears</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This pick makes me nervous to say the least; I’m putting the Bears first mainly because I expect Rex Grossman’s 2007 collapse to happen in the playoffs, not the regular season.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Bears defense should be about as good as ever, at least for one more season. They’re starting to get old and expensive, but for 2007 at least they’ll be mighty effective. Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher form one of the league’s best linebacking tandems, and the defensive line is deep and talented. The defensive backfield has a couple of good corners in Nathan Vasher and Charles Tillman, but questions remain at safety. Mike Brown struggles to stay healthy, and Adam Archuleta had a terrible 2006 with Washington. The Bears will need him to turn things around.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Cedric Benson inherits the bulk of the carries from the halfback spot, now that Thomas Jones is a Jet. As long as he stays healthy, there’s no reason to think he won’t be effective. Bernard Berrian and Mushin Muhammad both give Grossman decent targets downfield, and the offensive line does a good job of containing the pressure.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">To put it simply, this team will go as far as Rex Grossman can take him. I think that will be to a division title, but not much further than that. In fact, I think there’s a good chance he’ll have a really nice regular season; after all, he’s headed into just his second full year as a starter, so some improvement is to be expected. It’ll probably be enough to sucker everyone into thinking that “Rex has turned the corner.” Then come playoff time, Sexy Rexy will melt down, and the Bears will be left wondering what could have been with their own version of Trent Dilfer.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">So, to sum up the NFC:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">East: Eagles<o:p></o:p><br />South: Saints<o:p></o:p><br />West: 49ers<o:p></o:p><br />North: Bears<o:p></o:p><br />Wild Card: Packers, Redskins<o:p></o:p><br />NFC Champ: Eagles<o:p></o:p><br />SUPER BOWL: Patriots 31, Eagles 17</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">And you can beat heavily on that. I guarantee it. Enjoy the season. . . .</p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-42397707365031021402007-09-04T21:47:00.000-07:002007-09-04T21:57:10.442-07:00False Starts: The NFC East<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style=""><span style=""> </span>. . .and the beat goes on. Today we take a pass through the NFC East and all of the wonders therein. Unfortunately, this edition of FS is going to be slightly shorter than normal due to time constraints, but that shouldn’t detract from the overall Objective Experience. So let’s cut short the intro and get down to business. . . .</i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Your certified-prescient picks in the 2007 AFC East:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. New York Giants</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This one could get very ugly very quickly. We all know that the New York media can create problems out of nothing, and they’re even better exacerbating small cracks in a team’s armor. When there are serious, deep-seeded issues, then it’s time to run for cover.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’ve never placed a whole lot of stock in the whole idea of a “lame-duck” coach in the last year of his deal. I do think, however, when a team re-signs a coach for just one year, that could perhaps raise some issues. When that team’s former star running back claims that he retired because of said coach, you’re bordering on mutiny. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 New York Giants!</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Tom Coughlin is toast. The players seem to despise him, and upper management seems to have little faith in his ability to win them back. A playoff run could save his job, but that isn’t in the cards and Coughlin will be in the unemployment line. The Tiki Barber retirement was a disaster; whatever your opinion of Barber and the way he handled things (and mine is, to say the least, negative), it highlights the issues in the Giants’ locker room.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">At least Michael Strahan has decided to play. He “pondered retirement” for the entire pre-season, just now returning (to find a <a href="http://www.nfl.com/news/story?id=09000d5d8020c63e&template=without-video&confirm=true">$200,000 fine</a> waiting for him). He’ll team with Osi Umenyiora to form a potent pass rush duo, and middle linebacker Antonio Pierce gives New York a solid presence in the middle of the field. The rest of the linebacking corps is all-new, however. LaVar Arrington and Carlos Emmons are out, replaced by Kawika Mitchell and Mathias Kiwanuka. We’ll see if they can assimilate quickly enough. In the secondary, the Giants are counting heavily on rookie Aaron Ross to pick up the slack in a hurry.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Replacing Barber at running back poses a major issue. Brandon Jacobs moves from backup to starter, and Reuben Droughns joins the team as the primary back-up. Neither is in the same league as Tiki, so the passing game is going to have to step up. The offensive line, however, will likely prevent that. The Giants never replaced departed starting left tackle Luke Petitgout, and none of the other lineman are stars. Eli Manning has been criticized for his lack of accuracy, and while that’s undoubtedly on his shoulders the offensive line hasn’t really given him a chance to get comfortable in the pocket, either. Things aren’t going to go well in New York.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Dallas Cowboys</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">So, is Tony Romo a real NFL quarterback? I’m guessing no, which means the Cowboys finish third this year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">By mid-season, it was pretty much impossible to watch Ron Jaworski (who, by the way, is awesome) talk about anything except the bad habits of Tony Romo. The basic idea was that he had been getting stupidly lucky, making stupid plays that somehow worked out. Once teams got some film on him, they’d figure this out and force him back down to earth. That’s pretty much what happened: over his last five regular season games, he threw 8 picks to just 5 touchdowns, and the Cowboys lost to the Seahawks in the playoffs. That was the real Tony Romo, not the mid-season savior version.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s a shame, too, because the Cowboys have some pretty good offensive weapons. Terrell Owens drops a lot of passes but is still a force in the red zone, and Terry Glenn gives them a decent deep threat. The running back combo of Julius Jones and Marion Barber is distinctly above average, although Barber was the more effective runner this year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Adding safety Ken Hamlin alongside Roy Williams helps to cover some of the latter’s deficiencies in pass coverage, and up front DeMarcus Ware can rush the passer with anyone. The Cowboys have a few other promising young linebackers (like Bobby Carpenter and Anthony Spencer), so we’ll see how new coach Wade Phillips implements his 3-4 scheme. The defensive line is ok-not-great, and the Cowboys have a pretty good pair of corners in Terrence Newman and Anthony Henry. Romo’s regression is going to doom the Cowboys, however.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. Washington Redskins</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Redskins dodged a serious bullet when quarterback Jason Campbell avoided serious injury early in the preseason. He took an awful-looking hit to the knee and there were fears but Campbell could be lost for the season, but he ended up suffering only a bruise and will start in Week One. Injuries were the rule last season for the Skins, so maybe this bit of preseason good fortune signals a healthier 2007.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Santana Moss gives Campbell an excellent first option, and tight-end Chris Cooley works well as a bail-out receiver. The rest of the pass-catching ranks are a bit thin; Antoine Randel-El and Brandon Lloyd are acceptable, but not game-changers. Having a healthy Clinton Portis to couple with backup Ladell Betts in the backfield would help to the offense tremendously. Betts was good filling in last season, and if the Redskins can establish a reliable rotation behind Campbell they can take off a goodly amount of the pressure.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">First-rounder LaRon Landry won the starting job at strong safety along-side Sean Taylor; if Landry lives up to expectations the Skins will have an excellent pair of starters. Like pretty much every other position on the roster, the safety spot is thin behind the starters, so when injuries strike (and they will somewhere if not at safety) Washington will be left scrambling to fill holes.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Redskins added London Fletcher-Baker from Buffalo to upgrade their MLB spot, which should help a defense that was pretty awful last season once injuries struck. Washington will have to improve their pass-rush, regardless; end Andre Carter led the team with just 6 sacks last year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. Philadelphia Eagles</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Offseason drama aside, the Eagles are one of the best two or three teams in the NFC and should emerge from the East with another division title. Drafting QB Kevin Kolb in the second round touched off a cavalcade of speculation as to Donovan McNabb’s future with the team, but in 2007 this is undoubtedly McNabb’s team and he will continue to play at a high level.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Brian Westbrook gives Philly one of the most versatile weapons in the NFL, giving them great production as both a runner and a receiver. He’s complimented by a competent set of receivers, although the departed Donte’ Stallworth does leave a hole across from Reggie Brown, the Eagles brought in Kevin Curtis from St. Louis. The Eagles have always liked to spread the field out using a bunch of receivers, so the loss of any single guy is rarely a major issue.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Defensively, Takeo Spikes takes over the weakside linebacker spot as Philly’s major offseason addition. Omar Gathier takes over for the released Jeremiah Trotter (who just signed with Tampa), and Chris Gocong won the third starting spot. End Jevon Kearse is returning from a broken leg, but Philly has plenty of depth in the defensive line in case Kearse proves unable to hold up over the entire season.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Basically, it seems pretty obvious that the Eagles are the class of the East, and I’d be shocked if they don’t win the division fairly easily.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Because of time issues, there’s a chance the NFC Central preview may not run until Friday. If that proves to be the case, then enjoy Thursday’s kickoff.<o:p></o:p></i></p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-3572449783353678712007-09-03T23:44:00.000-07:002007-09-03T23:47:17.560-07:00False Starts: The NFC South<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">First things first: there has, in fact, been a bit of a delay in the production of this last handful of previews. As the kids say, “my bad.” In any case, we have three days until kickoff and three divisions left to cover, so according to my math the timing checks out. We’re climbing back into the saddle with the NFC South, so let’s get this thing started. . .<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Your Bad Newz Kennel-approved picks for the 2007 NFC South:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Atlanta Falcons</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’ll leave the discussion of Michael Vick’s peculiar hobby to someone with a moral compass; for now, we’re talking football, so all that matters is that Vick won’t be playing in 2007 (or any time soon after that). We don’t really know how these Falcons operate without Vick on the field: he’s such a unique talent that the offense will have to be drastically restructured to work with Joey Harrington behind center. The chances are good that the Atlanta passing game will improve (probably in dramatic fashion), but the Falcons don’t have a good way to replace the lost production on the ground.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">We’ve never seen the Atlanta receivers play with a competent pass-thrower. Whether or not Joey Harrington is that passer, we can’t be sure, but at least he’s a quarterback who looks first at the pass. Roddy White isn’t much, and Ashley Lelie left for San Francisco (he won’t be missed in the ATL). Michael Jenkins has occasionally shown flashes of ability, but tight-end Alge Crumpler always played the role of Vick’s favorite target. Joe Horn will be starting opposite Jenkins at wideout, and if nothing else he’ll provide an upgrade over White.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Harrington can’t be any worse of a thrower than Vick was, but he’s not running for 1,000 yards any time soon. There’s going to be serious strain on the Falcons’ halfbacks to provide a decent run game, especially if Harrington doesn’t perk up under a new system. Warrick Dunn remains the starter, but he’s well on the wrong side of 30 and will continue to decline. The most effective Atlanta runner (aside from Vick) was Jerious Norwood, the now-third-year back who averaged over 6 yards per carry. He’s going to have to pick up a major part of the slack if the Falcons are going to muster any kind of offense.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Then, of course, you have the new coach. Bobby Petrino enters the Atlanta job with a sterling offensive reputation, but he obviously spent the early part of his off-season designing a Vick-centric offense. He’s facing a stern test now, having to re-design the team’s system on the fly in order to tailor the playbook to Joey Harrington specifications. That’s a tall order for any coach, especially one in his first NFL head-coaching job.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Atlanta defense has plenty of over-priced, over-the-hill talent (like Lawyer Milloy and Keith Brooking) and will struggle to stop even a mediocre offense. Playing in the same division as New Orleans will provide plenty of defensive embarrassment for the 2007 Falcons.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Instability at the top has a tendency to trickle down, and the Bucs are going to pay the price for not cleaning up their leadership issues over the offseason. Coach Jon Gruden’s chair is uncomfortably warm, and he (or someone above him) brought on a heaping helping of trouble by not cutting quarterback Chris Simms before the finalization of rosters.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Simms struggled early on last year, getting occasionally replaced by Bruce Gradkowski. He eventually sustained a nasty internal injury that led to an emergency splenectomy and a lost season. Gruden has never exactly shown undying faith in Simms even when he was healthy, and that trend continued with the signing of Jeff Garcia. Some liability questions lingered in regard to the outright release of Simms because of possible medical liability, but the writing was on the wall: Gruden didn’t bring in Garcia to linger on the sidelines. Now that the Bucs have broken camp with 4 (!) quarterbacks (Luke McCown joins Garcia, Simms, and Gradkowski), those quarterback issues seem all the more pressing.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Gruden is clearly fighting for his job in Tampa. Reports have suggested that Bucs ownership made the call to keep Simms, not Gruden and GM Bruce Allen. With an aging roster and slipping performance, Gruden is clearly making a last-ditch effort to save his job by playing Garcia, a short-term solution at best. Even if Garcia is relatively successful this season, his presence is setting the Bucs franchise significantly.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Garcia is 37 years old: he’s not going to be a part of any future Tampa Bay resurgence. Likewise, the defense is struggling to replace aging players like Shelton Quarles and Simeon Rice (both of whom were released over the offseason) and to compensate for the declining play of Derrick Brooks and Ronde Barber. 2007 first-round pick Gaines Adams injects some fresh blood into the defensive line, but Tampa has little else in the way of young talent. The Bucs need to shift into rebuilding mode, which involves playing younger guys like Simms in order to evaluate their usefulness. Instead, Garcia will likely be finished after this year, Simms will be long-gone after being jerked around, and the Bucs will be left at square one. They don’t have much for young offensive talent: Michael Clayton has disappeared after a good rookie year, and Cadillac Williams doesn’t appear to be the franchise back the Bucs were looking for. It’s time to blow this team up.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. Carolina Panthers</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">If the Panthers could play 16 games of 2-on-2 football, they’d probably run the table. Unfortunately for them, NFL rules require a team to field more than just Steve Smith and Julius Peppers; as such, Carolina is headed for an 8-8 record.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’m feeling optimistic, so we’ll focus on the good parts first. Of course, Steve Smith is fantastic. He’s one of the premier wideouts in the league, and nobody is more dangerous in the open field. The Panthers feed him the ball as much as possible, as he’s effective on both short and long passes. Peppers is probably even better; he might be the best player in the entire NFL. He’s freaky-good in pass-rush situations, and his sick athleticism lets the Carolina staff drop him into pass coverage or do pretty much anything else they can think of with him. I think it’s safe to say he made a good call quitting basketball.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The rest of the defensive line is top-notch as well, helping to keep some double-teams off of Peppers while also taking advantage of the extra attention he demands. Kris Jenkins and Mike Rucker terrorize offensive lines with regularity, helping to hide the significantly weaker linebackers behind them.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Having MLB Dan Morgan back and healthy after some serious concussion issues would be a boon to the defense; he can cover a lot of holes as the Panthers try to replace Chris Draft (now with St. Louis). In the secondary, Chris Gamble gives Carolina one solid corner, but Ken Lucas (the other starting cornerback) is getting old fast and isn’t going to help to contain New Orleans.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The offense, past Smith, looks shaky at best. Quarterback Jake Delhomme has been OK since their Super Bowl run, but he’s far from elite. He missed three games in 2007 with an injured wrist, and any missed time this year means far more David Carr than is recommended by the FDA. <span style=""> </span>The Panthers released Keyshawn Johnson over the offseason, and it remains to be seen how well the likes of Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and rookie Dwayne Jarrett can replace his production. Johnson wasn’t an elite wideout, but he provided a decent compliment to Smith and the Panthers need someone to step up into that #2 spot.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">DeShaun Foster is still listed as the starting tailback, but the Panthers spent a lot of time last season figuring out ways to get the ball to DeAngelo Williams. Expect that trend to continue, as Carolina continues to phase out Foster.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This Carolina squad is just overwhelmingly mediocre. That might be enough to sneak into a Wild-Card spot, but they have no business competing for a division crown.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. New Orleans Saints<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Sure, their defense can’t stop anyone (how much fun is this Thursday’s Saints/Colts game going to be?), but with this kind of offensive firepower and a weak division, the Saints should cruise to a playoff berth. They’ve got a tasty bunch of exciting young players and one of the best quarterbacks in football: we’ll be seeing plenty of 38-34 games in the Superdome this season.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Saints should be able to mount a pretty decent pass-rush; ends Charles Grant and Will “Insert Your Own Fresh Prince Joke” Smith combined for 16.5 sacks in 2006. The middle of the defensive line isn’t nearly as strong, although the Saints imported nose tackle Kendrick Clancy from Arizona in an attempt to fix that problem. The New Orleans linebackers are likewise competent, but on the whole underwhelming. Scott Fujita has a good story and a decent game, but he’s no game changer. Neither is Eagle-reject Mark Simoneau.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Getting Fred Thomas out of the secondary instantly improves that unit: he was a total sieve back there, and replacing him with former Colt Jason David gives the Saints a decent second corner to play with Mike McKenzie. McKenzie isn’t any kind of true shutdown corner, but he gives them decent play regardless and one could do much worse.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Saints aren’t looking to win any 13-10 games, of course. As long as the defense can keep the opposition under 40, New Orleans will always have a shot. Drew Brees and his shoulder are just fine, thank you very much, and he gives the Saints a cornerstone at the most important position on the field. He’ll spend plenty of time getting the ball to Marques Colston, who had a fantastic rookie year and has firmly established himself as the top New Orleans wideout.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Saints have also put together one of the most luscious running-back tandems in the NFL. Reggie Bush can do pretty much anything, and with a year under his belt he’s going to be a scary weapon. He looked increasingly comfortable later in the 2006 season, even getting some interior carries from time to time, and he spends plenty of time split out wide. Deuce McAllister provides the thunder up the middle, and he should be even better two years removed from his knee injury. All in all, the offense will be more than enough for the Saints to emerge from this weakened division.</p> <span style="font-style: italic;">Tomorrow: the NFC East.</span>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-83620016721276389122007-08-27T17:38:00.000-07:002007-08-28T01:52:55.598-07:00False Starts: The NFC West<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">We turn our attention today to the NFC, starting out West. The conference as a whole is noticeably weaker than the AFC, but with that relative weakness comes a significantly more wide-open field; it’s fairly easy to identify the best half-dozen or so AFC teams, but that’s not true in the FOX Conference. Let’s get right to it, so we can all snicker at Sharkey in December for picking the 49ers. . . .<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">A little birdie told me that <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/">Football Outsiders</a> and <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/book.php">their book</a> are pretty awesome.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">======<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Your completely objective picks for the 2007 NFC West:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Arizona Cardinals</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">This whole division is pretty bad; trying to pick the West basically comes down to: Whose glaring deficiency is the least crippling?</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Cardinals appear to be headed in the right direction, having fired Denny Green over the offseason. Green’s merits as a coach in general are debatable, but he was clearly not in a good position in Arizona. He does not appear to be well-suited for running a reclamation project; see, for example, his senseless juggling of Josh McCown and Shaun King two years ago. I get the sense that Green expects to win instantly, and while that may be a commendable character trait, it doesn’t fit in Arizona.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">To replace Green, the Cardinals imported a big chunk of Bill Cowher’s former Steelers staff, led by new head coach Ken Wisenhunt. (O-Line coach Russ Grimm and special-teams coach Kevin Spencer also left Pittsburgh to join the Arizona staff.) I suspect this will end up a wise move for the franchise; they desperately need some stability at the top, and few did it better than the Steelers.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">All of the big names reside on offense. Matt Leinart enters his second year as the unquestioned starter, looking to build off of a fairly successful introduction to the pro game. There’s no reason to suspect he that he won’t improve in 2007, although he’ll probably endure his share of growing pains this year as well. A lot of his success or failure will be based on how much the offensive line improves under Grimm. You can ask Edgerrin James about last year’s offensive line; it was pretty ugly for most of the season (although it seemed to improve later in the season, judging by James’ rushing totals: all three of James’ 100-yard games came over the last third of the season). The Cardinals added Penn State tackle Levi Brown in the first round, and he has taken over the starting right tackle (remember: Leinart is a lefty, making the RT spot the more important one).</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">James had a terrible year last year, and whether or not that was due to aging or the line play will be important this year: having a decent running game to take the pressure off of the passing game would be a boon. The wideouts (Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald) are great, so if James and the running game can keep defenses honest, the air attack could thrive.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">In the end, I just think the Cardinals are at least a year away. The defense outside of safety Adrian Wilson has plenty of holes, and the team needs to give the new staff time to mesh with the young players. We’ll see where things stand next summer.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. St. Louis Rams</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Rams have a more established core than Arizona, which leads to their higher ranking here. They won’t be headed anywhere fast if they don’t shore up the defense in a hurry, though: while the Cardinals defense is below average, the Rams’ is cover-your-eyes awful.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The St. Louis defense was especially bad against the run, and based on their offseason moves they know it. They signed linebacker Chris Draft, known for his solid play against the run, from Carolina in free agency, then used their first-round pick on Nebraska defensive lineman Adam Carriker. It’s going to take more than two players to solidify that defense, but at least Draft and Carriker point St. Louis in the right direction.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Rams can still score, but it’s not exactly the Greatest Show on Turf anymore. The Rams made Steven Jackson the focal point of their offense last year, and it paid off with a tidy little 2,334-total-yards season.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The St. Louis usage of Jackson is basically the Bizarro-Kansas City. Instead of plowing their star running back straight into the line 400 times, the Rams gave Jackson a relatively modest 346 carries in 2006. The rest of the touches came from the passing game: Jackson caught 90 balls for 806 yards and three scores to go along with his running numbers. All research done into running-back usage points to the conclusion that catches don’t really make much difference in terms of added injury risk, but an excessive number of carries does. This makes intuitive sense, of course: getting your back out away from the 350-pound monsters and into the terrain ruled my cornerbacks cuts down on the wear and tear. St. Louis understands this.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The passing game is still pretty decent, too. Marc Bulger is one of the top year-in, year-out QBs in football, and<span style=""> </span>he has a nice new long-term contract. Bulger had what was probably his finest season last year, and while he might regress a bit there’s no reason to expect too dramatic a fall. Torry Holt remains an elite receiver, and Isaac Bruce had a surprisingly good year in 2006 as well. The Rams also added Randy McMichael and Drew Bennett in the off-season to compliment their main two wideouts.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s too bad that the defense is as crummy as it is, but at the very least the Rams will be worth watching to see how many linebackers Jackson can plow over. </p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. Seattle Seahawks</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Seahawks have missed their chance. They may have managed to buck recent history by making the playoffs the year after losing the Super Bowl, but that was just the start of their decline. There’s just not really that much left on this squad that isn’t approaching (or already past) its expiration date, so the question will soon become whether or not Mike Holmgren is willing to stick around through a rebuilding phase.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Shaun Alexander had essentially a lost season in 2006, battling foot injuries and never really getting healthy. His 2005 season teetered right on the brink of excessive carries (he got the ball 370 times), and keeping true to history injuries struck the following season. Alexander turns 30 this year (always a nasty age for running backs), and 30-year-old running backs with foot problems don’t tend to age very well. Maurice Morris wasn’t very effective while Alexander was out and Seattle doesn’t have anyone waiting in the wings; it might be time to start planning for life after #37.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">QB Matt Hasselbeck dealt with his own injury problems last year, and while he’s probably not looking at the kind of imminent decline that Alexander is facing, he’s not going to be getting a lot of help from the rest of the offense. Without guard Steve Hutchinson, the offensive line took a noticeable dive. Glancing at Football Outsiders’ offensive line stats, Seattle fell from 6<sup>th</sup> to 30<sup>th</sup> in Adjusted Line Yards, and from 13<sup>th</sup> to 26<sup>th</sup> in Adjusted Sack Rate. Nagging injuries to left tackle Walter Jones only compounded the line issues, and at 33 years old Jones too is likely on the downside of his career.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Hasslebeck’s receiving corps is looking thin as well. Seattle traded long-time Seahawk Darrell Jackson to the 49ers, and added in his place. . .Marcus Pollard? I guess so. Seattle is betting heavily on Deion Branch’s ability to settle in with a full training camp, because there isn’t much else there. They’ll likely try to re-insert Nate Burleson at WR, and D.J. Hackett is currently listed as the #2. Hackett had a pretty decent season last year, so we’ll see if he’s capable of holding down a starting spot.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Seahawks are undergoing a major overhaul in the secondary as well. Free safety Ken Hamlin signed in Dallas, and strong-sider Michael Boulware has been benched. Seattle brought in Deon Grant and Brian Russell to fill the safety spots. Both are likely to help solidify the pass defense, which will be important after corner Marcus Trufant’s disappointing 2006. Seattle has a fairly solid front line, although the continued absence of DT Marcus Tubbs after microfracture surgery <span style=""> </span>weakens the trenches significantly. Linebacker Lofa Tatupu gives the Seahawks an anchor in the middle, and Julian Peterson played well last year (although Leroy Hill, by all accounts, struggled mightily in pass coverage). The defense looks pretty average (maybe a bit better, depending on the safety transition), but I just don’t see where the points are going to come from. The Seahawks will likely slide even further down the divisional ranks in the future, but they’ve already been passed by at least one team.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. San Francisco 49ers</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">If Seattle is on the downward slope, then the 49ers are ready to jump into the divisional penthouse. They’re a testament to how quickly you can turn an NFL team around: a few good staffing hires, a couple of good drafts, and the occasional complementary free-agent signing, and you’re right back in the thick of things. (At least, you are in the NFC West.)</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Frank Gore had the obviously great season in 2006, and it looks like he’s just beginning a run as one of the top handful of running backs in all of football. He totaled his 1696 yards on just 312 carries, and like St. Louis the 49ers appear to understand the importance of keeping your running back fresh. Gore added 61 catches, which led the team last year. He’s not likely to repeat that last feat, however—a couple of new additions and an important year of experience should see to that.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">As I mentioned in the Seattle section, Darrell Jackson is now a 49er. Granted, he’s had some trouble with dropped passes since. . .well, forever, but he’s an obvious upgrade over the likes to Antonio Bryant. San Francisco also brought in Ashley Lelie, hoping they can capitalize on some of his heretofore untapped potential. He’s shown flashes of high-level talent, but has never been really able to put the whole package together. He’ll get a shot now.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Perhaps the biggest added weapon is simply a healthy and experienced Vernon Davis. Anyone who’s seen an Under Armour ad knows how freaky-built that guy is; he’s like an evolutionary Antonio Gates or something. He’s huge, he’s fast, he’s strong, and he’ll be dominating whoever tries to cover him in the very near future.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s going to be on Alex Smith to use these weapons effectively, and I like his chances of doing so. His hands aren’t getting any bigger and he’ll probably always have fumble issues because of it, but he took a noticeable step forward last year in his second season. He’s not an elite talent, but he’s more than capable of holding down an NFL starting job for a long time. Offensive coordinator Norv Turner may have left, but the 9ers wisely promoted from within to fill his vacancy, and Smith will not have to adjust to a new system.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">On defense, the 49ers made a huge splash by signing corner Nate Clements from Buffalo to the richest defensive contract in history. He’ll allow the other major defensive signing, safety Michael Lewis, to play up in run support where he belongs, and along with Pro Bowl corner Walt Harris the three form a pretty fearsome defensive backfield. Coach Mike Nolan also feels that he has the personnel in place to run his preferred 3-4 full time this season, having added rookie LB Patrick Willis and free-agent Tully Banta-Cain to go with Manny Lawson. One curious thing on the depth chart, at least right now: Brandon Moore, who according to <i style="">Pro Football Prospectus</i> “had a superlative season in 2006” appears to have lost his starting job. I haven’t been able to find any reason for this; maybe Derek Smith has just outplayed him. In any case, San Francisco is nicely positioned to win the division not just this year, but for many.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Tomorrow: the NFC South. Click <a href="http://mngameday.blogspot.com/search/label/2007%20NFL%20Preview">here </a>to view the past editions of False Starts.<o:p></o:p></i></p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-4794882637395972192007-08-27T12:42:00.000-07:002007-08-27T13:06:14.177-07:00The Northwoods Beat: From the Lowest of Lows...I'm tardy. I know. The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Northwoods</span> League baseball season officially came to an end on Friday night, August 17<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">th</span>. I had every intention of jumping online and giving everyone the update the next day...but I just couldn't. Now, I realize I should do it before it's too late but by writing this blog entry, I'm admitting that my season is gone. Don't get me wrong. I'm a major league fan as well and I love seeing the Twins put together a late season push. But <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Northwoods</span> baseball is summer.<br /><br />To be honest, it looked like the playoff scenario might be a bit lopsided. The two first half division winners finished the second half of the season in 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span> (Green Bay) and 7<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">th</span> (St. Cloud) in their respective divisions. How could they hold up against two teams who were still rolling? The St. Cloud River Bats were not only going into the playoffs with a 14-18 second half record, they were still in a state of shock. On August 3rd, late season addition, pitcher Ritchie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Gargel</span> was found badly injured after a swimming accident. Later that week, the lefty from Temple University passed away.<br /><br />Despite the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Gargel</span> tragedy, St. Cloud rolled over Duluth in their divisional <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">match up</span>, winning the best of 3 game set in just 2 games. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Eau</span> Claire won a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">see</span>-saw battle with Green Bay in the third game. The final series was a showdown between the upstart <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Eau</span> Claire Express, looking for their first championship in only their 3rd season in existence and the St. Cloud River Bats.<br /><br />It only took two games. St. Cloud, perhaps rallying together after the death of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Gargel</span>, eliminated <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Eau</span> Claire and claimed their third <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Northwoods</span> League Championship. From a great first half to a shaky second half and the unfortunate tragedy of Richie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Gargel</span>...to top of the heap. My hat's off to St. Cloud and their field manager, Tony <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Arnerich</span>.<br /><br />Another season down, but it doesn't really end there. Now it's time to start <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">recruiting</span> for next year!The Northwoods Wandererhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15573233904175419411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-71176054749946244072007-08-27T00:11:00.000-07:002007-08-27T01:49:22.130-07:00False Starts: The AFC West<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">I might as well get this out of the way right now: I’m an unabashed Denver Broncos partisan. It’s probably inevitable that this allegiance will in some way color the following AFC West preview; in any case, I’ll do my best to present the facts as I see them. Without further ado, let’s get this week started. . . .<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style=""><a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/">Football Outsiders</a> and their <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/book.php">book</a> are so invaluable, I’d be wasting words trying to describe them.</i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The completely unbiased order of finish in the 2007 AFC West:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Kansas City Chiefs</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’ll be honest—it’s a coin-flip here between the Chiefs and Raiders. They’re both really terrible, but head coach Herm Edwards puts the Chiefs over the top (under the bottom?). He’s fun to listen to in post-game press conferences, but he’s even more of a delight to have coaching a division rival.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Herm is a notoriously poor in-game coach, especially when it comes to clock management. Recall, for example, when the Jets <a href="http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1208/is_20_228/ai_n6126591">reassigned an assistant coach specifically to begin handling time-related issues at the end of halves</a>. This fact boggled my mind three years ago, and continues to: how difficult can clock management really be? It’s one of the most basic logical puzzles you can imagine: you have a set play clock, a set number of downs, a set number of game clock left, specific ways to stop or let the clock run. . .yeesh. We’re just going to move on.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Edwards also appears to be a big fan of the “running-back-as-battering-ram” strategy. That’s how he used Curtis Martin, and that’s how he used Larry Johnson last year. Everyone is talking about it anyway, but it’s worth emphasizing: Johnson shattered the NFL’s single-season record for carries with 416. I’m a little surprised that Johnson managed to make it through the entire offseason without having a leg fall off in the middle of the supermarket or something. Johnson is finally in camp after wisely holding out for a big guaranteed contract; even he seems to realize that his time as a healthy human is soon coming to an end under Herm.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The decline of the Chiefs offensive line isn’t doing Johnson any favors, either. Willie Roaf and Will Shields are gone into retirement, and what remains upfront is underwhelming at best. Johnson doesn’t get a lot of wide-open, contact-free carries back there.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Veteran Damon Huard has won the starting QB spot over youngster Brodie Croyle. Huard was relatively good replacing Trent Green last year after the latter’s nasty concussion, but Huard is the complete opposite of a long-term solution. Maybe once it becomes obvious to everyone (even Herm) that the 2007 Chiefs are a lost cause, they will take an extended look at Croyle to see if he can be counted on in the future.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">There isn’t much going on defensively, either. Their cornerbacks (Ty Law and Patrick Surtain) are big names that passed their primes years ago. Derrick Johnson is a pretty good young linebacker, but the Chiefs completely whiffed on the Kendrell Bell signing. The Colts exposed Kansas City in last year’s playoffs, and things are going to get worse before they get better.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Oakland Raiders</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I have two conflicting schools of thought regarding new Raiders coach Lane Kiffin. Part of me thinks that since he interviewed for the Gophers head-coaching slot and couldn’t even get that, he must be a terrible coach. The other part of me thinks that if Minnesota AD Joel Maturi passed over Kiffin, Lane must be the modern-day Vince Lombardi. In any case, he has to be an upgrade over the Art Schell Experience the Raiders were enjoying last season.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">One of the biggest changes in Raiderland comes at QB: enter Daunte Culpepper! This is a pretty major muddy-waters situation: I have no idea how much of Daunte’s horrific 2006 to attribute to his knee injury, and how much to blame on his general suckiness. I tend to think he will have a decent season in 2007, especially if wide receiver Jerry Porter finds out that Schell is gone and decides to play again. Porter caught exactly one ball last year and spent most of the season possibly rooting against the Raiders from the sidelines. (Porter denied doing so, but I wouldn’t hold it against him.) If Daunte spends the season chucking long-balls to Porter down the sidelines, the Raiders may even occasionally 20 points. (The 2006 Raiders cracked the 20-point barrier four times, and were shut out three times.)</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">We’ll get a good look at the health of Culpepper’s knee, because the Oakland offensive line is pretty bad. Bringing Cooper Carlisle over from Denver should help, but the fact that former second-overall pick Robert Gallery has been a bust at left tackle will leave Daunte looking over his shoulder.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s probably for the best that this year’s top pick, QB JaMarcus Russell, is still holding out. Taking a year to learn the NFL ropes will help Russell develop, and not having to play behind this year’s offensive line will help even more. Russell is far from a sure thing in the best of situations, so Kiffin’s future probably depends on whether or not Russell turns into the star Oakland wants him to be.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The defense is pretty good, as it was last year. Michael Huff had a great rookie year at safety, and the rest of the secondary is filled out with promising young players like Nnamdi Asomugha. (I also just really wanted to type out that name in order to torture my spell-check.) Derrick Burgess has been quite effective at defensive end in his last two seasons with Oakland. Warren Sapp was surprisingly decent last year. Defensive coordinator Rob Ryan is one of the very best in the league. At the very least, the defense should keep things from getting too out of hand.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Oakland’s long-term future is tied to the success or failure of Russell, and we won’t likely see anything from him at all this year. Any positive developments that may arise will come from Kiffin, if he shows he can handle the job. Past that, the Raiders are just waiting for next year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. San Diego Chargers</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I make this assertion not as a Broncos fan. Instead, I am saying that the Chargers and their 14-2 record will miss the playoffs in a loaded AFC thanks to one Norv Turner: one of the absolute worst head coaches in football.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">San Diego is outright loaded. We all know Tomlinson, who does pretty much whatever he wants and comfortably holds the title of World’s Best Running Back (2007 Edition). Tight end Antonio Gates is nothing short of a freak, and can abuse any linebacker who dares to cover him downfield. (The Broncos often assign Champ Bailey to cover Gates, and Bailey is approximately four feet shorter.)</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Phillip Rivers had a pretty good year in his first as Chargers starting quarterback, and there is no reason to think he will not continue to improve in 2007. He will be without #1 wideout Eric Parker for at least the first few weeks of the season (Parker had surgery on an injured toe), but so much of the San Diego passing game revolves around Gates and Tomlinson anyway that Rivers should be able to compensate for Parker’s absence.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Chargers defense is talented as well. Few teams can match the defensive line of Jamal Williams, Igor Olshansky, and Other Luis Castillo. Antonio Cromarte and Quentin Jammer give San Diego a good young pair of corners. Shawne Merriman is possibly the best defensive player on the NFL, depending on how you feel about his failed steroid test. By the way, the fact that I just typed that sentence speaks to the absurd double standards regarding steroids in football and baseball, but that discussion is for another time.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">So how bad does Norv Turner have to be to overcome all of this talent? Really, really bad: but he’s up to the task. I was curious when the Chargers fired Marty Schottenheimer; Marty is a pretty good coach, but the Chargers could conceivably upgrade with the right hire. Imagine my joy, then, when they introduced Norv Turner and his 58-82 career record!</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I knew Turner was a bad coach, but I was still a little stunned by the Chargers chapter of <i style="">Pro Football Prospectus</i>. The mark of any good statistical analysis is getting the really obvious stuff right, and PFP destroys Turner in a way that must really be read; I can’t do it justice here. A few choice nuggets include:<br />--Turner is one of only 8 coaches to ever have a losing record while still underperforming his projected Pythagorean record.<br />--Turner is the 9<sup>th</sup>-worst coach ever at holding 4<sup>th</sup>-quarter leads.<br />--Did I mention his career record is 58-82?</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Chargers have the talent to compete for Super Bowls, but Norv Turner will cost the team a playoff spot.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. Denver Broncos<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Saying Mike Shanahan is the best coach in the division isn’t saying much, but it’s so not close that it bears mentioning. While Shanahan definitely deserves some of the blame for Denver’s post-Elway playoff struggles, he remains one of the best coaches in football. (He’s the only one who attempts to replicate his team color with his skin tone; the mile-high radiation has cooked Shanny to a wonderful shade of orange.)<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Denver defense will be one of the league’s best in defending the pass. The death of corner Darrent Williams was as senseless as it was jarring, but the off-season addition of Dre’ Bly for a pair of expendable players (the mis-cast Tatum Bell and RT George Foster) gives the Broncos one of the strongest corner tandems in all of football. Champ Bailey is simply the best corner in the NFL, and adding Bly on the other side will free the aging John Lynch to step further up into run coverage, where he still excels.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Broncos cut ties with MLB Al Wilson, after age and a neck injury slowed the long-time Bronco. Wilson will be missed, but DJ Williams is sliding over from strong-side linebacker to fill Wilson’s spot. Whether Nate Webster can competently fill Williams’s old spot will be an important development for the Broncos.<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Starting defensive end Ebenezer Ekuban ruptured his Achilles tendon in the pre-season and is done for the year; this puts significant pressure on this year’s 1<sup>st</sup> round pick Jarvis Moss. Second-year pass-rush specialist Elvis Dumervil will also need to step up his play in Ekuban’s absence.<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Travis Henry takes over at running back and should be competent (as long as a minor pre-season knee injury heals as expected). At the very least, we know that <a href="http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/dekalb/stories/2007/08/24/childpay_0825.html">having 9 (!) child-support payments to make</a> should keep Henry sufficiently motivated. (Thanks to ProFootballTalk.com for the link.)<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Broncos’ season comes down to the play of second-year QB Jay Cutler. Cutler had his good and bad moments last year after replacing Jake Plummer, and having Cutler settle in as a solid starter this year would go a long way towards returning the Broncos to the playoffs. The Broncos added Brandon Stokley in the offseason to help soften the decline of Rod Smith (who will likely spend the year on the physically-unable-to-perform list), and Brandon Marshall will also have to improve.<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The final AFC Summary:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">East: Patriots<o:p></o:p><br />North: Bengals<o:p></o:p><br />South: Jaguars<o:p></o:p><br />West: Broncos<o:p></o:p><br />Wild Card: Ravens, Colts<o:p></o:p><br />AFC Champion: Patriots</b></p> <p style="font-style: italic;" class="MsoNoSpacing">Come back tomorrow as we begin the NFC side of things. You can catch up on the complete AFC preview <a href="http://mngameday.blogspot.com/search/label/2007%20NFL%20Preview">here.</a></p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-19237823904939691102007-08-23T23:58:00.000-07:002007-08-24T01:45:24.227-07:00False Starts: The AFC South<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Ah, Friday. What better way to spend it than with the Champs and their foils in the AFC South? Out NFL preview roles on, as I tackle such questions as: Can the Colts repeat? Is Vince Young the Truth? And will the Jags finally <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=pasquarelli_len&id=1634325">stop Choppin’ Wood</a>? We’ve got the answers. . . .<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">And, of course, credit to the <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/">Football Outsiders</a> and their <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/book.php">annual</a> for making so much information so easily available. W00t.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Making it rain with the 2007 AFC South:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Houston Texans</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Hide the women and children: it’s your 2007 Houston Texans. They’re lucky that torture is legal now; otherwise, I’m not sure anyone would be able to broadcast their games.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Texans are an abject lesson in the importance of the quarterback position and what happens when you get it dreadfully wrong. David Carr was the franchise’s first overall pick, and five years later the team is back where it started. Carr is out (just one year after the team decided to exercise an $8 million option on him) and former Falcons backup Matt Schaub slots in behind center.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s impossible to say how Carr might have turned out had he played with a decent offensive line, but he still held onto the ball way too long and brought a lot of the sacks he took on himself. We’ll see how a new quarterback fairs behind that line and whether or not Schaub proves more able to get rid of the ball in time.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Even if Schaub does get the ball out before getting hammered by the pass rush, he doesn’t have a lot to work with at the skill positions. Lead wideout Andre Johnson is an excellent player, but <span style=""> </span>the rest of the offense is barren. The Texans signed Keenan McCardell to replace Eric Moulds as the past-his-prime second receiver, and there is little in the way of young talent elsewhere among the wideouts. Tight end Jeb Putzier has been a disappointment since coming over from Denver; former Bronco offensive coordinator Gary Kubiak had little use for him last year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Texans are compounding the problem with their choice of running back. Instead of looking for a young back who can grow along with the team, Houston brought in former Packer Ahman Green. It’s a totally pointless move: Green is far past his prime and will in no way be a part of any future Texans success, so why waste everyone’s time?</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The defense actually has some young talent; if the Texans approach respectability any time soon, it will be because of the development on that side of the ball. Last year’s #1 overall pick, Mario Williams, didn’t rack up the impressive sack totals one expects from an end, but by all accounts he played very well in run coverage. Even better was second-round pick (and defensive Rookie of the Year) DeMeco Ryans, the linebacker. Those two players, along with corner Dunta Robinson, give the Texans three top-notch young defensive players. 2007 first round pick Amobi Okoye, a defensive tackle, has apparently not looked good at all in training camp, but if he fulfills any of his potential, he’ll add to that good young base. In any case, the stadium is still the best thing the Texans have going for them.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Tennessee Titans</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Perhaps you’ve heard: Vince Young isn’t half bad. I know it’s a pretty well-kept secret, but that’s the kind of crack investigative reporting that you can expect from someone with my credentials. It probably won’t matter how good Young is, unfortunately, because he’s surrounded by offensive desolation.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I dare you to name a single Titans receiver. Go ahead, give it a shot. Nope, sorry: Drew Bennett signed with the Rams. Brandon Jones is the returning receiving yardage leader, having totaled all of 384 yards last season. That’s some real quality, folks. Young is probably better off utilizing the rarely-seen Bugs Bunny approach of throwing passes to himself.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The running game is very much up in the air as well. Last year’s featured back, Travis Henry, is now with the Broncos; he’s no world-beater, but Henry is a fairly competent runner and a team could do much worse. (See: Texans.) Perennial under-achiever Chris Brown and occasional under-achiever LenDale White will have to shoulder whatever rushing load isn’t picked up by Vince Young scrambles.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The defense could have been pretty decent, but the year-long suspension of cornerback Adam Jones seriously complicates things. Jones is (was?) one of the best young corners in all of football and can cover up a lot of defensive shortcomings, but he also seems to be unable to stay off of the police blotter. His Tennessee career is likely over; he’s too good for someone else not to give him a look next year, but that won’t do the Titans any good.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Kyle Vanden Bosch is a quality defensive end, but the rest of the Tennessee D-line is so terrible that Vanden Bosch sees never-ending double-teams. Linebacker Keith Bulluck is even better, but two players do not a defense make. There is still a lot of building to do, especially with the new hole at cornerback.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Last year’s Titans squad had a serious lightning-in-a-bottle feel to them, ripping off six straight wins before their week-17 pasting at the hands of New England. All but one of those wins came by one touchdown or less (the exception being a 31-13 win over the Eagles in week 11). The Titans won’t fare so well in close games this time around. This year isn’t about immediate success: the continued development of Vince Young at quarterback will be what defines the 2007 season in Tennessee.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. Indianapolis Colts</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The 2006-7 Colts were the NFL’s answer to the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals. They seemed pretty pedestrian in the regular season, then suddenly tore up the playoffs and took home the title. The Colts defense <i style="">absolutely sucked</i> in the regular season, then shut down the Chiefs and Ravens in the playoffs. After a squeaker with the Patriots, Rex Grossman did the rest and Peyton Manning finally had his ring.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Pro Football Prospectus 2007</i> gives a good account of just how bad the Indy D was in the regular season. My two favorite stats are:<br />--The Colts gave up 360 points, making them only the second Super Bowl champ to allow more than 310<br />--The 5.33 yards per carry the Colts surrendered was the worst number any team in the NFL has allowed since the 1961 Vikings. It was also, needless to say, the worst ever by a Super Bowl winner. Only one other champ allowed worse than 4.4 per carry (Denver, 1997: 4.73).<br />The Colts, to put it simply, break the system.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">How one predicts the Colts comes down to: do you believe in the regular-season defense, or the playoff defense? I’ll take the larger sample size, thank you very much. There has been quite a bit of defensive turnover, too, which further complicates things: they’ve lost starters at linebacker, safety, and both cornerback spots. Maybe that will actually improve things; I have no idea.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’m betting on the horrible Colts defense, but I still think they are going to sneak into the second AFC wild-card spot. After all, the best quarterback on the planet has to count for something, right? I just can’t imagine Peyton Manning <i style="">not</i> throwing the Colts into the playoffs; it wouldn’t be the same without them. Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne outclass even Cincinnati’s duo of stud receivers, and tight-end Dallas Clark is among the very best at his position. The offensive line gives Manning the time he needs to get the ball out to those weapons, but Manning is so good at getting rid of the ball ahead of the pass rush that it doesn’t take much.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Running back depth is something to watch: the Colts let Dominic Rhodes walk in the offseason, giving Joseph Addai the job full-time. That’s a good move (Addai is by far the better player), but the Colts are now very thin at the position and an injury to Addai could be a real problem. Even with a scrub at running back, Manning can probably get the Colts the 30 points they’ll need to compete, but it’ll be that much harder.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. Jacksonville Jaguars</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Gulp. This one makes me nervous.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">First, the reasons why I think the Jags are going to beat out the Colts: the defense is loaded. I mean, seriously stacked. John Henderson and Marcus Stroud make up the best DT duo in football. Stroud missed some time in 2006, but was as good as ever when healthy. The ends (Bobby McCray and Paul Spicer) are pretty damn good too.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The secondary is led by corner Rashean Mathis, who made his first Pro Bowl last year after a break-out season. The Jags filled a major hole at safety by grabbing Reggie Nelson out of Florida in the first round of the draft, and they’re expecting him to step straight into the starting lineup.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The offense is led by the two-headed monster at running back: veteran injury-risk Fred Taylor and second-year sensation Maurice Jones-Drew. Both players averaged at least 5 yards per carry last year, and they combined for over 2,000 rushing yards. Jones-Drew provides the perfect complement to Taylor, giving the Jags two contrasting styles and the opportunity to keep both backs fresh and healthy.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">That’s the basic pro-Jacksonville argument: great D and a great running game. I’m on board, nervously. The issues working against the Jags are significant and related: they’ve got a seriously muddy quarterback situation, and Jack Del Rio is probably a terrible head coach.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’ve been an admitted Byron Leftwich fan ever since that bowl game he played in college on a broken leg, when his lineman were literally carrying him up the huddle after every play. That was just awesome. He hasn’t been a very good pro, unfortunately—at least, not yet. He’s a career 58% passer who’s missed 15 games in the last two seasons. Backup David Garrard seems to be taking on near-mythic proportions as the assumed answer at QB, which is something I cannot understand.<o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Garrard is an OK quarterback, but he’s nothing more than that. He went 5-5 as a starter last year—it’s not like he was winning games left and right. Leftwich actually has the potential to be an above-average NFL starter, and he should get that chance.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Jack Del Rio has made things a lot more complicated. Aside from presiding over the most insanely inconsistent team in football last year (they crushed the Colts and Jets while still losing <i style="">TWICE </i>to Houston), he allowed the quarterback controversy to spin out of control by badly mismanaging Leftwich’s return from injury. Things <a href="http://www.jaguars.com/news/article.aspx?id=6249">are only getting worse in the preseason</a>. If Del Rio manages to get this team on the same page, they can contend for the Super Bowl—but that’s a pretty big “if.”</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">You can check out all of the False Starts <a href="http://mngameday.blogspot.com/search/label/2007%20NFL%20Preview">here</a>. Next up: the AFC West.<o:p></o:p></i></p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-63511403639985187812007-08-22T22:55:00.000-07:002007-08-23T00:54:43.215-07:00False Starts: The AFC North<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">We’re keeping the 2007 NFL preview rolling on today, after a moving-induced day off. There’s nothing like moving furniture (that isn’t even yours!) into a new place (that isn’t even yours!) to really clear one’s head. Next on the docket is the AFC North, the second-toughest division in the league. (We’ll get to the toughest one sometime next week.) So wash up those <a href="http://www.thedirtybrowntowel.com/">Dirty Brown Towels</a>, and for the love of God don’t skimp on the bleach. . . .<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Again, a tip of the hat to the <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/">Football Outsiders</a> and their top-notch <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/book.php">annual</a>.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">======<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The kid-tested, mother-approved order of finish for the 2007 AFC North:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Cleveland Browns</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I’m doing my best to limit myself to one Dirty Brown Towel joke in this column; I hope you all appreciate my restraint. In any case, for the first time in many moons, the Browns are actually kind of interesting. Over the past couple of seasons, they’ve started to assemble one of the more promising cores of young offensive talent in the NFL. You could call them the league’s answer to the Devil Rays: they give an observer plenty of upside to dream on, but we’re still going to have to wait and see if they go anywhere in the end.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Browns had a monster first round in the 2007 draft, and how their two picks pan out will define the future of the organization for the foreseeable future. They used their top pick on man-mountain Joe Thomas out of Wisconsin, who is one of the best left-tackle prospects we’ve seen in quite some time. My opinion of Thomas is surprisingly neutral; on one hand, he’s a Badger and automatically earns undying scorn. On the other, he skipped the draft to go fishing and has <a href="http://deadspin.com/sports/nfl-draft/yes-she-should-fit-right-in-with-the-dawg-pound-257154.php">the sweetest aunt since Jemima</a>. In the end, it’s a push.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Of course, the bigger move came later in the first round, when the Browns traded away next year’s first round pick to move up and select Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn. Quinn was long considered a top-5, and maybe even number-1, pick; a few lackluster games against tough defenses saw caused his stock to plummet. He held out for a while but is now in camp, and looked quite good in his first game action. I’d be surprised to see him start their opener, but with the likes of Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson holding down the position we will likely see a goodly amount of Quinn before the season is up.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">He’ll have guys to throw to, when he does crack the lineup. Kellen Winslow might be somewhat of a loudmouth, but he’s shut up as of late and (more importantly) gotten healthy. Last year was his third season, but his first healthy one, and he played quite well (especially when you consider the drek that was getting him the ball). I like his chances to be an elite NFL tight-end as soon as a real QB arrives, especially now that his old college offensive coordinator (Rob Chudzinski) has been hired to run the Cleveland offense.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Receiver Braylon Edwards showed progress last year, but still needs to learn how to get open on a consistent basis. A real running game would probably help that process, but that’s one area Cleveland really lacks. They brought in Jamal Lewis over the offseason, but he doesn’t have any rubber left on his tires, let alone any tread. Finding a real back to compliment their passing weapons is going to be important for the Browns heading forward. Things are headed in a good direction in Cleveland, but the towel will remain quite brown this year. (Sorry, I can’t help myself.)</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Pittsburgh Steelers</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">. . .and now we enter the part with the Really Good Teams. The Steelers had a bizarre season last year, led by Ben Roethlisberger and his string of ill health. By the time he had recovered from the combination of horrific motorcycle accident and emergency appendectomy, Roethlisberger was left with no time to prepare for the season. He never played well for anything resembling an extended stretch, but the Steelers are hoping with a quiet offseason he can come out firing in 2007. He’ll have to, because the division is brutal and there are plenty of changes afoot on his own team.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The major change comes at head coach, where The Chin retired and former Vikings defensive coordinator Mike Tomlin takes over. The interesting part of the switch to me is that Tomlin kept the majority of Bill Cowher’s staff in place, including defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau. This is notable because while LeBeau has long run the Steelers defense as a 3-4 scheme, Tomlin has his own hefty defensive reputation with a 4-3 cover-2 system. A better reporter could probably tell you which style Pittsburgh is using, but I cannot find anything at all on the subject. If you know anything, drop a comment because I’d like to know. I’ve always been bothered by coaches who insist on arriving and implementing “their system” instead of tailoring their game plan around the personnel in place; if Tomlin is working closely with LeBeau instead of blowing up the 3-4, I’d be mighty impressed.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Regardless of the scheme, the defense is going to be really good. Joey Porter was let go, but the Steelers are hoping to be able to fill his spot at linebacker from within. Some of the saved money from Porter’s departure went to locking up safety Troy Polamalu to a long-term deal. He’s one of the very best safeties in the game and keeping him around is a great move.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The offense is likely to see even more of an overhaul then the defense. Cowher and his smash-mouth game are gone, and so is Jerome Bettis. Willie Parker is firmly established as the lead halfback, and he’s as close to an anti-Bettis as you can get. He’s blazingly fast and operates best in the open field, as opposed to the old-school between-the-tackles Steelers of lore. They’ll likely be passing more, too. Hines Ward remains a top-notch receiver, and word out of Steelers camp is that speedster Santonio Holmes has likely won the other starting wideout spot. Heath Miller is a very good tight end as well. Oh, and Gopher product Matt Spaeth is likely the #2 tight end, so ski-u-mah and so forth. Unfortunately, the large amount of upheaval and lingering doubts of Roethlisberger are enough to bump the Steelers down to the third spot.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. Baltimore Ravens</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Defense, defense, defense. It’s almost boring to talk about at this point, isn’t it? The Ravens have the best defense in football and control the game with it. Ed Reed is awesome. So is Chris McCallister. Ray Lewis isn’t nearly as awesome any more, but the excellent schemes put together by defensive coordinator Rex Ryan keep Lewis playing to his strengths while covering for his lost speed and slipping ability to shed oncoming guards.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The notable defensive change, as I noted in the AFC East preview, will be at outside linebacker, where Adalius Thomas bolted via free agency to the Patriots. The Ravens are hoping that fourth-year LB Jarret Johnson will be able to take over Thomas’s spot. The continued development of last year’s first rounder, nose tackle Haloti Ngata, combined with the freaky-good pass rushing of Terrell Suggs will likely do enough to offset Thomas’s lost sack total, so the team will look to Johnson to competently defend the run and drop into pass coverage.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Over on offense, the Ravens finally ditched the Remains of Jamal Lewis and obtained Willis McGahee from the Bills. This will free up the offense a bit, simply because McGahee will actually be able to run outside the tackles from time to time. He’s not an upper-echelon back, but with Lewis the Baltimore running game consisted mostly of the sledgehammer/battering ram approach. Lewis wasn’t particularly good at that, but he was horrendous trying to get outside, so a younger set of legs will help.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The gains in the running game are likely to be offset by a return to earth by the air attack. While it wasn’t stellar last year, the passing game led by Steve McNair was a revelation compared to the Kyle Boller show the Ravens had been running previously. Having a quarterback who actually knew how to, say, get rid of the ball before taking a sack was a boon. But McNair is a year older and on the downside of his career, as is his old Titans teammate and favored target Derrick Mason. Add that to the fact that teams will be looking to control McNair (likely by trying to force him out of the pocket, as he’s nearly immobile at this point) and the passing game won’t be sneaking up on anyone this year. That’s enough to drop them back to the #2 spot, although it’s likely sufficient to grab one of the two wild-card spots.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">1. Cincinnati Bengals</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">In a division defined by its defenses, the Bengals are the glorious exception. Of course, this pick is conditional on coach Marvin Lewis managing to keep most of his players out of prison.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Bengals were horrific on defense last year. Pretty much every time they matched up with a decent offensive team, they got hammered: 38 points allowed to the Patriots, 29 to the Falcons, 49 to the Chargers, 34 to the Colts. They did hold the Saints to 16, so they have that going for them. Luckily for them, the Bengals have a notable schedule edge over the Ravens. The AFC North is matched up with the weak NFC West, but Baltimore also gets non-divisional games against the Colts and Patriots. The Bengals? The Chiefs and Titans. That two-game schedule difference is going to be enough to put Cincy over the hump and back into the playoffs.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Bengals should also see at least some defensive improvement. They somehow managed to grab Michigan corner Leon Hall with the 18<sup>th</sup> pick in this year’s draft, and he should contribute in a weak secondary immediately. Second-year linebacker is likely going to play a bigger role as well, since promising young LB Odell Thurman will remain suspended for all of 2007 because of repeated law-and-liquor issues.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">As long as the defense can keep the opposition under 30, the Bengals should like their chances. Carson Palmer showed notable improvement in the later stages of last year, after he looked a little rusty early on while working through the effects of his nasty knee injury. Now a full season removed from the knee surgery, Palmer is ready to solidify his status as one of the absolute best QBs in the game. He’s got the weapons to do the job, too. Receivers Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh combine to form one of the top pass-catching duos in the league, and running back Rudi Johnson still has another productive year or two in him. It’ll all be enough to help the city of Cincinnati forget the horrors of Eric Milton and start thinking of playoff runs instead.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Next up: the AFC South</i></p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6746176801816371975.post-60164687874051508092007-08-21T01:53:00.000-07:002007-08-21T02:03:11.641-07:00False Starts: The AFC East<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">That sound you hear is the 2007 NFL season fast approaching. Larry Johnson is complaining, Michal Vick is pleading, and Randy Moss is thinking Super Bowl (homeboy!). The mindless dredge of the preseason will wrap up before you know it, and we can get down to the serious business of Football. With that in mind, I’ll be taking the next week and a half or so to run through each of the eight divisions to give you something to chew on between Johan starts. I’m staking my entire reputation as a football expert on the following picks of the order of finish in each division, so the pressure’s on. Today: the AFC East.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Props should go out in advance to the work of <a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/">Football Outsiders</a> and their book </i><a href="http://www.footballoutsiders.com/book.php">Pro Football Prospectus</a><i style="">, both of which contribute greatly both in stats and unmediated awesomeness.</i></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">=======</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The 100%-definitive, money-back-guaranteed, iron-clad-lock order of the 2007 AFC East:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">4. Miami Dolphins</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Dolphins had their pick of injured quarterbacks before the 2006 season. Presented with a choice between Drew Brees (bum shoulder) and Daunte Culpepper (bum knee), they went with the guy with the limp. (Never a good decision, in my experience.) We all know how that turned out: Daunte kept limping, Brees kept winning, and the Dolphins kept looking for someone to replace Dan Marino (who, by the way, appears to be attempting to match his skin tone with the Dolphins’ shade of orange). The Fins spent most of 2006 getting a taste of the Joey Harrington Experience, which is guaranteed only to end in tears.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The quarterback spot in 2007 isn’t likely to get much better. After an extended game of draft-pick chicken with Kansas City, Miami finally acquired 37-year-old Trent Green to man the helm. Green never looked right last year after going down with a pretty nasty concussion and hasn’t been much better in the preseason, but new coach Cam Cameron <a href="http://www.nfl.com/preseason/story?id=09000d5d8019d499&template=with-video&confirm=true">tabbed him as the official starter</a> yesterday. Cleo Lemon (who, by the way, has one of the finest names in the history of naming things/persons) made a run at the spot, but Miami apparently prefers a guy who has vivid memories of Ronald Reagan’s first term.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">In any case, the heir apparent at the position is 2007 second-rounder John Beck, although I use that term loosely. See, Beck played his college ball at BYU and completed his Mormon mission trip; the dude is already 26 years old (just a year younger than Lemon). He’s going to have to crack the starting lineup in a hurry, although the Fins thought highly enough of Beck to pass over Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Instead, they used the ninth pick on Ohio State product Ted Ginn after he reportedly ran a 40-yard-dash time so fast he tore a hole in the fabric of space-time (or something like that). The only issue here is that (a) Ginn has an injured ankle and still isn’t running at full speed, and (b) he just isn’t a very good receiver. I guess that’s two issues, theoretically making the pick twice as bad. I suppose Ginn could prove me fantastically wrong, but I’ve never been wrong before about anything, so his odds aren’t good.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">It’s all a shame, really, because running back Ronnie Brown is really good. He’s just surrounded by mediocre-at-best quarterbacks and awful receivers. (“#1” receiver Chris Chambers led the entire NFL last season in balls thrown his way that fell incomplete, and he was tied for fourth in dropped passes with former Dolphin Randy McMichael.)<span style=""> </span>Last pre-season, the Dolphins were a rather trendy Super Bowl pick; nobody should be making that mistake again this year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">3. Buffalo Bills</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Last year, while nobody was watching (well, at least, I wasn’t), J.P. Losman started to get good. This rather unexpected development has profoundly shaken anyone who has seen watched J.P. Losman play quarterback professionally for any length of time exceeding five minutes. I’ve begun to re-evaluate many deeply-beliefs in the wake of such strange happenings.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Losman was quite awful in 2005, his second pro season. He completed slightly less than half of his passes, threw as many picks as touchdowns (8), and sparked <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/bills/2005-10-06-bills-quarterbacks_x.htm">a locker-room mutiny in favor of playing Kelly Holcomb</a>. In 2006, however, a new coach took over (Dick Jauron) and Losman improved pretty dramatically.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Instead of completing half of his passes, Losman connected on 62.5% in 2006. His interceptions as a percentage of passes thrown decreased only slightly, but he upped his touchdown rate by a significant margin. He’ll likely never be the most cautious QB in the league, but he suddenly appears to be on the right track.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">A big part of Losman’s improvement came as a result of his rapport with receiver Lee Evans. (In fact, you could say that nearly all of Losman’s improvement came from Evans; according to Football Outsiders, only the Texans threw a higher percentage of passes to their number-one receiver.) Evans caught 82 balls for nearly 1300 yards and 8 scores; Josh Reed was second on the team with 410 yards receiving. The return of Peerless Price from his Atlanta purgatory was unimpressive; he just isn’t very good. Finding someone else to throw to, be it Reed, Roscoe Parrish, or the ghost of Eric Moulds, will be important to the Bills going forward.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Bills’ two biggest offseason changes come at running back and corner; we’ll take the offensive side first. They dealt Willis McGahee to the Ravens and drafted Cal running back Marshawn Lynch; this is likely both addition by subtraction and addition by addition. McGahee is a decent back but not a great one, and he apparently thought Buffalo was the nicest town this side of Kabul (and made this known in the press). The only thing I know about Lynch is that he absolutely shredded the Gophers last year, and while that might not be the hardest thing to do I think he’ll be just fine as a replacement.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Buffalo also saw stud corner Nate Clements head west to San Francisco as a free agent, and replaced him with . . . nothing. I wish I had more to add here, but I don’t; I guess they’re content with Ashton Youboty or something, because as far as I can tell they didn’t do anything at all to replace one of the best corners in football. Maybe Marv Levy missed that signing during one of his naps.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="">2. New York Jets</b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The big problem with writing a preview like this as late in the preseason as I am is coming up with something unique to say about a team like the Jets. Everybody and their grandmother seems to have about the same opinion on Gang Green this year: last season’s success was a bit fluky and likely the product of playing a weak schedule; this year, when luck balances out and the schedule toughens, they are likely to see a worse record while also improving as a team. This is fast becoming gospel when it comes to the Jets, and I can’t come up with a convincing argument otherwise.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Jets are clearly a team headed in the right direction, and within the next couple of seasons they are going to be contending for championships. They will not, however, win ten games again this year. Eight, or maybe nine, sounds about right. Last season saw them matching up with teams from the AFC South and NFC North, neither or which are among the league’s more robust divisions. This year’s collection of NFC East and AFC North squads will be a much stiffer test.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">In any case, the Jets have plenty going for them in the long run. Coach Eric Mangini is headed into his second year, and he looks to be one of the best young coaches in all of football. He clearly took plenty of notes in his time under Bill Belichick in New England (although he skipped the part about not coaching the Jets) and will have had another year to get his preferred 3-4 defense in place. One of the more important sub-plots of the Jets’ 2007 season will be the continued adjustment of linebacker Jonathan Vilma to that new defensive scheme; he was a monster in the old 4-3 system but didn’t take particularly well to Mangini’s new system last year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Jets have their own long-term quarterback question as well. Chad Pennington survived a 16-game schedule for the first time in his career in 2006, but expecting that streak of health to continue uninterrupted through 2007 is an exercise in stupidity. Fortunately for everyone (except, perhaps, Pennington), the Jets have both his short- and long-term replacement waiting in the wings in the person of one Kellen Clemens. Everybody seems convinced that he’s a stud, and I have no reason to dispute that. Plus, I assume he can throw the ball more than fifteen yards, which is something Pennington is incapable of doing.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><b style=""><span style=""><span style="">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b style="">New England Patriots<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Patriots will win the Super Bowl this year.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">How’s that for a preview, eh? Certified Miss Cleo-level stuff. No qualifiers: the Patriots are the best team in football, and they will win the Super Bowl.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">I suppose in the spirit of a preview column I should elaborate, but it seems a bit unnecessary. In any case, here goes:</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">The Patriots very nearly went to the Super Bowl last year, only falling short when they fell apart against the Colts in the AFC Championship game. They proceeded to spend the offseason fixing pretty much every problem they had, while hanging on to every key piece. That’s a pretty decent recipe for success.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Linebackers Mike Vrabel and Teddy Bruschi are getting old and can’t cover the whole field like they used to; to compensate, the Pats signed stud LB Adalius Thomas away from Baltimore. Thomas can hold down more of the pass-coverage duties, freeing Vrabel and Brushi to play closer to the line of scrimmage and help against the run, where their reduced speed is less of an issue. They drafted stud safety Brandon Merriweather from Miami to cover themselves when (not if) starter Rodney Harrison gets hurt.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Tom Brady didn’t have anybody to throw to last year; Reche’ Caldwell’s <a href="http://newsnuggets.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/caldwell.jpg">gigantic, planet-sized eyes</a> proved to be unreliable as a number-one receiver. To compensate, the Patriots brought in <i style="">four new receivers</i>. Kelley Washington just signed, and is far from guaranteed to make the team because of how many receivers the Pats have on their roster right now.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">They didn’t just randomly sign guys, either; the pass-catchers they brought in make sense playing together. We all know Randy Moss; he isn’t what he used to be, of course, but I have no doubt that he still can stretch the field. He doesn’t even have to do that, however, because Donte’ Stallworth is a professional field-stretcher. With Moss and Stallworth heading downfield, the Pats need someone to fill in the underneath routes. They already have a good tight end (Ben Watson), but they added receiver Wes Welker from the Dolphins anyway, who excels from the slot and in working the intermediate patterns. Plus, assuming his shoulder injury is not overly serious, they have <a href="http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2007/06/koolaid-maroney-wants-u-to-wash-u-ass.html">Kool-Aid Maroney</a> to handle the bulk of the rushing duties.</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing">Oh yeah, and that Brady guy is pretty good too. And that Belichick fellow, although his mother clearly didn’t teach him how to properly dress himself. . . .</p> <p class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="">Next up: the AFC North<o:p></o:p></i></p>John Sharkey, Esq.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09293940286044640312noreply@blogger.com0