As Star Tribune Twins reporters LaVelle E. Neal III and Joe Christensen head to work in the morning…
Singing together: "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go..."
"So, Joe C., what do you think of the big trade?"
"Oh, I don't know, III. I mean, Delmon Young's great, but I'm afraid without a charismatic veteran player to show him how things are done around here, he might go astray. He threw a bat at an ump! And our big hitters aren't exactly...well….I mean, I really wonder if our clubhouse is up to a guy like that."
"No, Joe, it's going to be all right. Just watch this footage I've collected on my PSYCHIC iPHONE! You'll see what I mean…"
Peering into LaVelle's PSYCHIC iPHONE, we see into the Twins clubhouse….
As the Carpenters' Greatest hits play, Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, and Joe Mauer gather for some quiet introspection, when their new teammate arrives.
"Hey, guys! I'm Delmon Young! I'm so happy to be a Twin!"
"Hey, Delmon!" said Cuddyer, "Nice uniform! We were just having a stoic-off. Do you want to join us?"
Morneau, singing quietly: Ahhhh,ahahaaaaaaa....Close to Youuuuuuuuu.
"Man," said Young, "you guys are dull. Come on, I'll show you how to have a good time!"
Outside the Dome...
Singing: Whistle While You Work...
"Hey, random umpire, come here, into the clubhouse, I want to show you something…"
"Oh, sure Delmon!" said the ump. "Let's go!"
"Okay, guys. Now, stand here, and I want you to throw your bats at him."
"What?" said all three at once.
"Hey!" said the ump.
"Shut up and take it like a man!" said Young.
"I don't know," says Mauer, quietly.
"That seems like a lot of energy," says Morneau, laconically.
"It's not nice to throw things," said Cuddyer, shyly.
"Man. You guys are sooooooo lame! Come on, give it a shot."
"Well….I guess we should make him feel welcome," said Mauer. "That's what my mom would say to do."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Umpire, Sir!" squeaked Mauer, as he threw.
"THAT WAS AWESOME," yelled Mauer, jumping up and down.
"I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE," yelled Morneau, tearing off his shirt.
"AOOOOOOOOOOOW!" howled Cuddy, smearing warpaint all over his body.
"COME ON BOYS, LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE UP!"
Out on the streets...
Back at the clubhouse...
"Phew, thanks Delmon Young! Now, boys, let's go play some baseball!"
And back in LaVelle's car...
"Wow," said Joe C.. "I see what you mean, III. Finally, we've gotten the immature uncontrollable hotheaded player we need!"
"You said it, Joe. You said it."
